IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3167 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult.

What is your opinion about this?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Policies and Government, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Some rules in the US are imposed by the government that would confide teenagers to go out at night without accompanying their parents. I think that it is a useful strategy and I will outline here.

On the one hand, it is an effective way for spending more time with their family. By imposing a rule that would limit teenagers to be at home at particular hours especially at night, they could spend their time alongside with family, which would boost their relationship with them, by facing more difficulty in the family they have to solve it and have more talks about it. Even if they would like to go outside, as they would have to go out with an adult, this bond would be maintained. Moreover, teenagers could be undersupervision by family. As they would allow to go out by an adult, that person who would accompany the teenagers is a member of family who is reliable for supervising the children. That adult person have an influence on teenagers for guiding them during night, so as to be safe , and they could apply the principlas which are acceptable by family, teenagers, for example, avoiding them from drinking alchoholic drinks or having fun with right peers. Furthermore, it is true to say that in this way teenagers would be more successful in their life. By being the family during the night or an adult in the outdoor, they could not form a peer group in which they act freely without any permission on that would have negative effects on them. As the principle of life in teenage years would form the future of them, and such peer groups would destroy the principle of having a successful life, it would be significant for teenagers to be accompanied by an adult in order not get involved in such destructive groups.

In conclusion, I believe that this rule would help family to have suitable control over teenagers by themselves or an adult who is a member of family that leads to having better supervision and forming an acceptable principle which are essential for a successful life in future and also forming a good relationship.

362 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

April 25, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The essay uses a range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors with verb tenses, prepositions, and sentence structure that impact clarity ("That adult person have an influence on teenagers" should be "That adult person has an influence on teenagers"). The sentence structures are sometimes overly complex without clear meaning, affecting readability. The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to address the topic with relevant arguments and some organizational structure. However, improvements are needed in coherence, vocabulary precision, and grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band.

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

5.0 errors can cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The essay uses a range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors with verb tenses, prepositions, and sentence structure that impact clarity ("That adult person have an influence on teenagers" should be "That adult person has an influence on teenagers"). The sentence structures are sometimes overly complex without clear meaning, affecting readability. The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to address the topic with relevant arguments and some organizational structure. However, improvements are needed in coherence, vocabulary precision, and grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band.

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The imposition of a curfew on teenagers in certain areas of the United States, barring them from being outdoors without adult supervision after a specific nighttime hour, is a multifaceted issue. In my opinion, while there are potential benefits in terms of safety and community well-being, such curfew measures should be implemented judiciously and consider the individual circumstances of each locality.

One primary argument in favor of teenage curfews revolves around public safety. Restricting the outdoor activities of teenagers during late hours may reduce the likelihood of juvenile involvement in crime, substance abuse, or other risky behaviors. This proactive measure aims to safeguard not only the teenagers themselves but also the broader community, creating a safer environment for everyone.

On the flip side, critics argue that curfews infringe upon the rights and freedoms of teenagers. They contend that such restrictions may impede personal development, limit social interactions, and create an atmosphere of mistrust between teenagers and the community. Additionally, the effectiveness of curfews in preventing delinquent behavior is debated, as some argue that addressing underlying issues such as community engagement and educational opportunities may be more impactful in reducing juvenile crime.

In my view, the implementation of teenage curfews should be context-specific. While safety concerns are valid, a one-size-fits-all approach may not be suitable for diverse communities. Local authorities should carefully assess the unique characteristics and challenges of their areas before enforcing curfew measures. Additionally, complementary initiatives, such as community programs and educational resources, should be explored to address the root causes of juvenile delinquency.

In conclusion, while the imposition of teenage curfews may have merits in enhancing public safety, a balanced and nuanced approach that considers the distinct needs of each community is crucial. Striking a harmonious balance between safety measures and respecting the rights and autonomy of teenagers is essential for the effective implementation of curfew policies.

309 words