IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3150 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.

To what extent do your agree or disagree with this opinion?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Policies and Government, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

There are people who assume that we have a large number of choices currently, while others are keen one making different choices due to their advantrureous nature. In modern century, thank to the advancements in science and successful inventions such as technologies, some people may feel confused how to make ; however, I desagree with the idea that we have too many choices. This essay will attempt to explain why having many of them is benefitial.

Initially, shopping would be a good example. There are incredibly a great deal of cloth shops which provide varios choices to the customers. In my view, this is conveniet because people are able to choose what they would like to wear based in their taste. Sometimes, human beings decide to change their style and a number of choices help them to find perfectly suitable outlook.

Another example which would describe the advantageous side of having many choices is travelling. People can choose a favourite destination almost all over the world and I think this contributes to spend unforgottable life. For example, some people prefer to visit mountanious resorts, while others make decision to plan a trip in wild nature, or at marvelous beaches.

In concluison, based on the facts given above, I am proponent of the choices that are even more than enough. Although, not all individual is confident enough to choose the most appropriate from variety, my notion is unchangable. This means that each person has an unique interests and attitudes, hence, having many choices allow them to find the best, which meets their requirements. I strongly believe that modern population is privileged in contrast with their ancistors, who had limited variety rather they.

283 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

April 8, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
- The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of having many choices and clearly states the writer's disagreement with the idea that there are too many choices.
- The writer provides examples to support their viewpoint, but these examples could be further developed to enhance the argument.
- The conclusion summarizes the writer's opinion; however, a more nuanced discussion of the opposing viewpoint could strengthen the overall argument.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
- The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs for each point.
- Transitions such as "Initially," "Another example," and "In conclusion" are used effectively.
- Some ideas could be more cohesively connected to enhance the flow of the essay, and there are occasional awkward jumps between ideas.

Lexical Resource (LR):
- The vocabulary is generally appropriate and varied, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, such as "advantrureous" (should be "adventurous") and "unforgottable" (should be "unforgettable").
- Some phrases and expressions are slightly unnatural or forced, impacting the readability.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
- The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors.
- Errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage are noticeable throughout the essay.
- Some sentences are awkwardly constructed and could be phrased more naturally for better clarity.

Overall:
It presents a clear viewpoint and relevant examples but could be improved by a more nuanced discussion, smoother transitions between ideas, and improved grammatical accuracy. The writer demonstrates an understanding of the topic but needs to refine the expression and structure of ideas for a more effective and cohesive argument.

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

6.0 there is a clear overall progression

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

6.0

Lexical Resource

6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

5.0 may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation

5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

5.0 errors can cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
- The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of having many choices and clearly states the writer's disagreement with the idea that there are too many choices.
- The writer provides examples to support their viewpoint, but these examples could be further developed to enhance the argument.
- The conclusion summarizes the writer's opinion; however, a more nuanced discussion of the opposing viewpoint could strengthen the overall argument.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
- The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs for each point.
- Transitions such as "Initially," "Another example," and "In conclusion" are used effectively.
- Some ideas could be more cohesively connected to enhance the flow of the essay, and there are occasional awkward jumps between ideas.

Lexical Resource (LR):
- The vocabulary is generally appropriate and varied, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, such as "advantrureous" (should be "adventurous") and "unforgottable" (should be "unforgettable").
- Some phrases and expressions are slightly unnatural or forced, impacting the readability.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
- The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors.
- Errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage are noticeable throughout the essay.
- Some sentences are awkwardly constructed and could be phrased more naturally for better clarity.

Overall:
It presents a clear viewpoint and relevant examples but could be improved by a more nuanced discussion, smoother transitions between ideas, and improved grammatical accuracy. The writer demonstrates an understanding of the topic but needs to refine the expression and structure of ideas for a more effective and cohesive argument.

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In our contemporary world, the proliferation of choices has become a hallmark of modern living. While some contend that this abundance of options overwhelms individuals, I believe that the breadth of choices is a reflection of societal progress and personal empowerment.

Those who argue that we have too many choices often highlight decision fatigue and the psychological burden that accompanies selecting from an array of options. They claim that an excess of choices leads to stress, anxiety, and the difficulty of making a satisfying decision. Moreover, with an overwhelming number of choices in various aspects of life, individuals might feel paralyzed and uncertain, impacting their overall well-being.

However, I disagree with the notion that having numerous choices is inherently detrimental. The plethora of options represents progress, providing individuals with autonomy and the ability to tailor decisions to their preferences. Choices in education, careers, consumer goods, and lifestyle empower individuals to align their decisions with their values and aspirations. This variety fosters innovation and competition, leading to better products and services while catering to diverse needs and preferences.

Furthermore, having choices encourages personal growth and self-awareness. The process of decision-making, even when challenging, enables individuals to understand their priorities, refine their preferences, and develop critical thinking skills.

In conclusion, while an abundance of choices might pose challenges, I firmly believe that having a wide array of options symbolizes progress and personal empowerment. It grants individuals the freedom to shape their lives according to their desires and aspirations, fostering innovation and personal growth. Therefore, rather than viewing it as a burden, we should embrace the multitude of choices as a testament to our evolving society.

273 words

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