IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3165 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

The approach of entertaining children is controversial issue. Some people believe that parents are responsible to persuade their children to  participate in organized team activities in their free time, others think that it is significant for children to learn the way of occupying themselves on their own. I will discuss it here.

On the one hand, those who support the first view point out that. This strategy have positive effects on them. It could contribute to them to be sociable. By joining in organized team activities, children would have to interact with other members, from a useful relationship with them. Contacting with them and having a conversation about that activity, helps them to learn fundamental principles regarding to negotiating with each other which is part of socializing. This way improve one aspect of their character. Secondly, they could learn to sharee their ideas with other members and reach to an agreement. In this practice,they could learn to respect other’s beliefs and would refine the principle of team work which is based on collective thoughts.

On the other hand, those who advocate the opposite view cite that there is a reason which is of paramount significance. They have to learn a new skill in their free time which would amuse them. Planning for an activity to be entertaining means that it should be constructive, that it adds a positive dimension to them, and it appeals to children, so as to do in their free time alone. It leads to getting involved in acquiring a new skill which is useful and entertain them. For example building a maket that children need to familiar with detaild technics about it that these would amaze them and simultaneous would improve the skill of making a market which is an incentive to do it later on their own. As they would face with difficulties of making a maket and then solving it, it leads to boosting their selfconfidence.

In conclusion, according to different views about the way in which parents should persuade their children to join in organized activities or learn how to entertaing themselves alone in their leisure time. I would hold the first view because of having positive views towards socializing, which could be useful for their future.

374 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

May 12, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The rubric is not very well reflected in this essay. The question is whether parents should fill their children’s schedule with activities or the children themselves do it on their own. There are no “opposing” views. Whereas the first paragraph is devoted to the benefits of being occupied and the second focuses on activities being entertaining. The writer’s view is also very vague and not well developed.


Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
5.0 addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places
6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion
6.0 arranges information and ideas coherently
6.0 there is a clear overall progression
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do
6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The rubric is not very well reflected in this essay. The question is whether parents should fill their children’s schedule with activities or the children themselves do it on their own. There are no “opposing” views. Whereas the first paragraph is devoted to the benefits of being occupied and the second focuses on activities being entertaining. The writer’s view is also very vague and not well developed.

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The approach to entertaining children is a controversial issue. Some people believe that parents are responsible for encouraging their children to participate in organized team activities in their free time, while others think it is significant for children to learn to entertain themselves independently. This essay will discuss both views and provide my opinion.
On the one hand, those who support parents encouraging their children to join organized team activities highlight several benefits. First, participating in team activities can help children become more sociable. By joining such activities, they interact with their peers, form relationships, and learn fundamental principles of negotiating and cooperating with others, which are integral to socialization. This approach helps them develop a key aspect of their character. Additionally, children can learn to share their ideas and reach agreements with other members. They learn to respect others' beliefs and refine the principles of teamwork, which are based on collective thinking.
On the other hand, advocates of self-entertainment argue that children should learn how to occupy themselves independently in their free time. This fosters creativity and self-reliance, as children learn to plan and engage in constructive activities that appeal to them. For example, learning a new skill like building models can be both entertaining and educational. It boosts their self-confidence as they face challenges and solve problems on their own. Moreover, these skills can serve as an incentive for them to explore similar activities independently in the future.
In conclusion, there are differing opinions about whether parents should encourage their children to join organized group activities or let them learn how to entertain themselves independently. I believe that participating in team activities is beneficial because of the reasons mentioned, specifically it helps children develop social skills that will be useful for their future.
293 words

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