IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3139 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In the last few decades there have been more and more cases of famous people being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media have no right privacy.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Arts and Entertainment, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

There are many cases in which countries is being criticized relentlessly by press, in the last few decades. Some school of thought believe that the celebrities in media have no seclusion. I am agree with this statement that media and press is interfering in famous personality’s life. The essay will throw light on this topic in the proceeding paragraph.

It is not easy to be a celebrity, they have been under constant spot light and surrounded by the people of press and media. These famous people have no personal life, whenever these people try to go for shopping, outing or vacations, team of media is chasing them and uploading their pictures or printing news in newspapers. To elaborate, there was a news about famous actress that she is on vacation with some other star celebrity and media was pointing out at her dress and her smoking. Which went viral on many national channels.

Life of famous actor and actress is made further difficult by the social media. Now it is convenient for everyone to make videos of famous people and share them on different social media pages publically. For example, a video was shared by someone about an actor, he was arguing with the staff at the popular restaurant. He was talking aggressively with the staff and complaining about the quality of food. This video was seen by thousands of viewers and start commenting about him negatively.

In conclusion, from few decades’ life of famous personalities have became detrimental as media and press pointing out at them by continuously interrupting in their life.

263 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

March 18, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
- The essay addresses the topic by discussing the impact of media and press on the lives of celebrities. However, it primarily focuses on describing the situation rather than explicitly stating to what extent the writer agrees with the statement regarding celebrities' right to privacy.
- The writer's opinion is somewhat clear but could be articulated more explicitly in relation to the prompt's question about the extent of agreement.
- Examples provided are relevant, but they could be more effectively used to directly support the writer's viewpoint.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
- The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the flow of ideas and cohesion between them could be improved.
- Transitions between ideas are minimal, which affects the overall coherence.
- The introduction and conclusion are present, but they do not effectively bookend the essay’s argument.

Lexical Resource (LR):
- The vocabulary is generally appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors, such as "I am agree" (should be "I agree").
- Word choice is sometimes repetitive or simplistic, and the essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
- The essay demonstrates an attempt at both simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors.
- Issues with verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and article usage are evident throughout the essay.
- Some sentences are awkwardly constructed and could be phrased more naturally.

Overall: It touches on the relevant topic but needs to more directly address the specific question posed in the prompt. The essay would benefit from improved coherence, a more varied lexical resource, and greater grammatical accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help in conveying the writer's ideas more effectively and clearly, thereby potentially achieving a higher band. The conclusion is not worded very carefully, thus not comprehensible by the reader.

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

6.0 there is a clear overall progression

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

5.0 errors can cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
- The essay addresses the topic by discussing the impact of media and press on the lives of celebrities. However, it primarily focuses on describing the situation rather than explicitly stating to what extent the writer agrees with the statement regarding celebrities' right to privacy.
- The writer's opinion is somewhat clear but could be articulated more explicitly in relation to the prompt's question about the extent of agreement.
- Examples provided are relevant, but they could be more effectively used to directly support the writer's viewpoint.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
- The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the flow of ideas and cohesion between them could be improved.
- Transitions between ideas are minimal, which affects the overall coherence.
- The introduction and conclusion are present, but they do not effectively bookend the essay’s argument.

Lexical Resource (LR):
- The vocabulary is generally appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors, such as "I am agree" (should be "I agree").
- Word choice is sometimes repetitive or simplistic, and the essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
- The essay demonstrates an attempt at both simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors.
- Issues with verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and article usage are evident throughout the essay.
- Some sentences are awkwardly constructed and could be phrased more naturally.

Overall: It touches on the relevant topic but needs to more directly address the specific question posed in the prompt. The essay would benefit from improved coherence, a more varied lexical resource, and greater grammatical accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help in conveying the writer's ideas more effectively and clearly, thereby potentially achieving a higher band. The conclusion is not worded very carefully, thus not comprehensible by the reader.

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In recent decades, the media's relentless pursuit of famous individuals has escalated, prompting a debate on whether celebrities forfeit their right to privacy due to their public status. While some contend that public figures in the media surrender their privacy, I firmly believe that everyone, including those in the spotlight, deserves a reasonable expectation of privacy.

The exponential growth of the media industry has placed celebrities under intense scrutiny, with their personal lives often becoming fodder for public consumption. Critics argue that individuals who willingly seek fame should anticipate and accept the loss of privacy that accompanies their elevated status. They posit that public figures actively engage in professions that thrust them into the spotlight, making their personal lives an open book for public scrutiny.

However, this argument overlooks the basic human entitlement to privacy. Despite their profession or fame, celebrities are human beings deserving of personal boundaries and moments shielded from the intrusive glare of the media. Constant invasion into their private affairs can have severe repercussions on their mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. This unrelenting attention can lead to anxiety, stress, and a loss of autonomy in managing personal matters.

Furthermore, ethical journalism should uphold the distinction between public interest and sensationalism. While public figures may attract attention due to their careers, the media should exercise restraint and refrain from reporting on aspects of their lives that are inconsequential to the public sphere.

In conclusion, the right to privacy is a fundamental human entitlement that should not be overshadowed by one's public status. While fame may expose individuals to increased public attention, it does not justify the invasion of their private lives. It is imperative for the media to respect the personal boundaries of celebrities, ensuring that ethical reporting practices are upheld while preserving their right to privacy.

301 words

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