IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3125 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

One of the most pressing problems facing the world today is overpopulation.
What policies do you think governments should adopt to address the causes and effects of this problem?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Nowadays, one of the main problems which affects our planet is overpopulation. In my opinion, the authorities should implement specific measures, such as birth-rate-control laws for people in some countries and specific lessons in schools for children, in order to encourage people to concern about this issue.

There is little room for doubt that growing population is one of the most actual problems the world currently faces. With today’s birth rate there is high risk that in the nearest future the world would be increasingly overpopulated which seriously affect our planet’s living conditions. Indeed, the world’s natural resources, such as fossil fuel, wood, and water, are limited and with growing consumption rate they might eventually disappear. Furthermore, the state of the planets’ environment is directly associated with population as a high number of people obviously means an increased rate of carbon dioxide Hence, overpopulation is an extremely serious issue affecting a number of significant aspects of the Earth.

There are two effective solutions to deal with the problem of overpopulation. One way to tackle this issue is to introduce specific lessons in schools for children where youngster would be taught about the overpopulation. By incorporating these classes into a school curriculum, young people will develop a clearer understanding of main effects of overpopulation would cause to a planet and learn basic methods of how to control birth. Secondly, the government should implement incentives by allowing to have no more than a particular number of children in a family. This method would certainly slow down the overall birth-rate in countries and prevent families from having more than accepted number of children.

In conclusion, introducing special lessons in schools and measures controlling a birth-rate in a country are efficient ways to deal with overpopulation issue. If governments implement these solutions, birth rate would soon drop.

303 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

March 12, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The essay addresses the task well by identifying the issue of overpopulation and proposing two specific policies.
The introduction and conclusion are clear and related to the topic, but the conclusion could be more developed to summarise the essay's main points effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay is logically organized, with clear progression throughout.
The use of linking words like 'Furthermore,' 'Secondly,' and 'In conclusion' helps with coherence.
However, some sentences could be better structured to improve clarity, e.g., "By incorporating these classes into a school curriculum, young people will develop a clearer understanding of main effects of overpopulation would cause to a planet..."
The order of examples in the introduction do not reflect the correct order in the paragraphs that follow.

Lexical Resource (LR): The vocabulary is varied and topic-appropriate, with words like 'incentives,' 'curriculum,' and 'overpopulation.'
There are minor errors or awkward phrases, such as "concern about this issue" which could be better expressed as "become aware of this issue."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
There are several grammatical errors that need attention. For example, "youngster would be taught" should be "youngsters would be taught." Some sentences are overly long and complex, impacting clarity. Breaking them into shorter sentences could enhance readability.
Use of articles and prepositions needs some improvement, e.g., "the state of the planets' environment" should be "the state of the planet's environment."


Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas
8.0
Coherence and Cohesion
9.0 sequences information and ideas logically
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
8.0 skillfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation
7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
9.0 the communication is completely natural
7.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The essay addresses the task well by identifying the issue of overpopulation and proposing two specific policies.
The introduction and conclusion are clear and related to the topic, but the conclusion could be more developed to summarise the essay's main points effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay is logically organized, with clear progression throughout.
The use of linking words like 'Furthermore,' 'Secondly,' and 'In conclusion' helps with coherence.
However, some sentences could be better structured to improve clarity, e.g., "By incorporating these classes into a school curriculum, young people will develop a clearer understanding of main effects of overpopulation would cause to a planet..."
The order of examples in the introduction do not reflect the correct order in the paragraphs that follow.

Lexical Resource (LR): The vocabulary is varied and topic-appropriate, with words like 'incentives,' 'curriculum,' and 'overpopulation.'
There are minor errors or awkward phrases, such as "concern about this issue" which could be better expressed as "become aware of this issue."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
There are several grammatical errors that need attention. For example, "youngster would be taught" should be "youngsters would be taught." Some sentences are overly long and complex, impacting clarity. Breaking them into shorter sentences could enhance readability.
Use of articles and prepositions needs some improvement, e.g., "the state of the planets' environment" should be "the state of the planet's environment."

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

Overpopulation stands as a paramount global challenge demanding immediate attention. Governments must implement multifaceted policies to tackle its causes and mitigate its effects.
To address the root causes of overpopulation, education plays a pivotal role. Governments should prioritize comprehensive sex education and family planning programs. These initiatives inform individuals about contraception methods, reproductive health, and the significance of small family sizes. Additionally, empowering women through education and employment opportunities often correlates with reduced birth rates, making gender equality an essential component of population control policies.
Governments should also focus on economic measures to curb population growth. Providing financial incentives or tax benefits to families with fewer children can encourage smaller family sizes. Conversely, policies promoting access to affordable childcare and healthcare can alleviate concerns that drive larger families.
Furthermore, managing urbanization is crucial. Governments should invest in infrastructure development in rural areas to deter mass migration to cities. Enhanced job opportunities and better living standards in rural regions can deter overcrowding in urban centers, reducing the strain on resources.
Addressing the effects of overpopulation requires sustainable resource management. Governments must enact policies promoting renewable energy sources, efficient waste management, and sustainable agricultural practices to meet the needs of a growing population without depleting natural resources.
In conclusion, governments must adopt a multifaceted approach to combat overpopulation. Education, economic incentives, urban development strategies, and sustainable resource management are critical components of policies aimed at addressing the causes and effects of overpopulation. A holistic strategy that integrates these measures can pave the way for a more sustainable future amid the challenges posed by excessive population growth.
264 words

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