IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3108 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Health and Well-being, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Nowadays technology make many facilities for people . I strongly agree with this statement that people have too many choices in recent years . Technology changes almost all of our aspect of life , but in the following paragraphs I speaks about the communication’s tools and education .

Today’s people can connect with each other from far ditance easily , everywhere and anytime with anytime with any type of connection tools that they desire . In the far past , people can connect with each other just with face to face interactions , or in the long distances with the envelops . In the past around 50 years ago people can connect with each other by line-based telephone that has lots of cost . Today , people can connect with line-based telephone , mobile-phone , and internet based connections . The internet occur the vast possibilities of connection also . the computer-based softwares that people can see or speak with each other by camera , and mobile-phone applications that make the same possibilities as computer is also add to these tools in the past 10 years whith these varieties of choices , people can communicate with each other more than the past and this cost in contrast with the past cost is lower .

Another choices is educating pocibilities in everywhere . In the past , people who borened in elite level of society had this pocibility to leatracy . after many years , schools have been stabilishing for publics and if a family paid its cost , their children could studied in these schools . Universities were established in the around 200 years ago , and people who had interested could educate at them . In recent years , with internet posibility the online educating have occured this facility to everyone from every corner of the world that can educate from every university they want . However , that university must have this posibility in their education system . for example , I passed a course from University of Michigan about Model Thinking while I live in my country .

People in recent years accessibility of technology have many choices rather than the past , and I hope it helps to increase the peace around the world

380 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

March 6, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response(TR):
- The essay addresses the topic, but the response to the question "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" could be more fully developed. The statement of agreement is clear, but the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and a clearer link between the examples and the thesis.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
- The essay has a logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother.
- The use of cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronouns) is present but at times repetitive or awkward.

Lexical Resource (LR):
- There is a reasonable range of vocabulary, but with some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices (e.g., "borened" instead of "born", "leatracy" instead of "literacy").
- Consider varying sentence structures and using synonyms to avoid repetition (e.g., "choices", "connect").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
- There are several grammatical errors that sometimes hinder comprehension (e.g., "I speaks", "educating pocibilities").
- Sentence structures are somewhat varied, but the frequent errors impact the clarity of the points being made.

Overall, the essay shows an understanding of the topic with relevant examples. However, it would benefit greatly from attention to detail in terms of grammar, vocabulary, and clearer argumentation structure. A more focused approach to directly answering the question posed would also improve the overall effectiveness of the response.

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0 arranges information and ideas coherently

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically

6.0

Lexical Resource

6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

5.0 errors can cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response(TR):
- The essay addresses the topic, but the response to the question "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" could be more fully developed. The statement of agreement is clear, but the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and a clearer link between the examples and the thesis.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
- The essay has a logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother.
- The use of cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronouns) is present but at times repetitive or awkward.

Lexical Resource (LR):
- There is a reasonable range of vocabulary, but with some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices (e.g., "borened" instead of "born", "leatracy" instead of "literacy").
- Consider varying sentence structures and using synonyms to avoid repetition (e.g., "choices", "connect").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
- There are several grammatical errors that sometimes hinder comprehension (e.g., "I speaks", "educating pocibilities").
- Sentence structures are somewhat varied, but the frequent errors impact the clarity of the points being made.

Overall, the essay shows an understanding of the topic with relevant examples. However, it would benefit greatly from attention to detail in terms of grammar, vocabulary, and clearer argumentation structure. A more focused approach to directly answering the question posed would also improve the overall effectiveness of the response.

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In contemporary society, the debate surrounding the idea that we are currently inundated with an overwhelming number of choices has become a significant topic of discussion. While there is a faction that contends the multitude of options available in various facets of life can be paralyzing, I tend to disagree with this perspective, though with a nuanced acknowledgment of potential challenges.

The prevalence of diverse choices serves as a testament to the dynamic and progressive nature of our society. Whether it pertains to selecting career paths, navigating educational opportunities, or making choices among consumer goods, the expansive range of options reflects the ever-evolving landscape of our world. This diversity is empowering, allowing individuals to make decisions that are more aligned with their unique preferences and needs. It fosters a sense of autonomy and personalization, enabling people to craft their lives according to their individual aspirations.

However, it is crucial to address potential drawbacks associated with this abundance of choices. One significant challenge is the concept of decision fatigue, a psychological phenomenon where individuals experience mental exhaustion due to the overwhelming array of options. This can lead to delayed decision-making and, at times, dissatisfaction with the chosen option, fueled by the persistent fear of missing out on a potentially superior alternative.

In conclusion, while the proliferation of choices signifies progress and diversity, it is imperative to recognize and navigate the potential challenges associated with decision-making fatigue. Striking a delicate balance between variety and manageability is key to ensuring that the abundance of choices enhances rather than hinders our lives.

258 words

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