IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3266 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Nowadays, many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep.

What problems can lack of sleep cause?

What can be done about lack of sleep?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Health and Well-being, Science and Research, Task 2 essay, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These days people moan that they have problems for having enough sleep . In this essay i will outline the problems about lack of sleep and also some suggestions to reduce this trouble .

On the one hand , lack of sleep causes people to be more anxious at work . As individuals have shortage of sleep , they Could not relieve tension from their bodies during the night . As a result , they could not burden the pressure of work , which is imposed on them the following day , and will be irritated more than when they have enough sleep . Moreover , people Could not Concentrate on their duties at work effectively . Because individuals have insufficient sleep , they don’t have essential energy to deliberate detailed parts of work , they will be falling asleep , and will lose their Concentration on work which leads them to reducing the output of work . In addition , people might damage their relationship with family . With they will be tired all the time , and couldn’t devote extra time to their family . this lack of time would weaken the relationship between members of a family , as a result of being far away from each other .

On the other hand , some remedies could be applied . Firstly , they should change their lifestyle . individuals should go to bed very soon at night , for example , they should set a fixed timetable for sleeping at 10 pm . This force them to be disciplined for having enough sleep . What’s more , they should Consume healthy foods at night , for instance , some people eat pizza at night which is unhealthy and oily . It Causes people could not sleep deeply during the night and suffer from a sleepless night . Also , people should sleep at dark place . Aas being in dark space , it will help a person to fall asleep very quickly . because the calmness of dark ambiance shorten the time of setting sleep .

In Conclusion , lack of sleep causes people to be irritated , and could not focus on their works at work , and they cripple the relationship with their families . Some remedies like having different lifestyle and healthy foods along with sleeping in dark room could be adopted .

399 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

March 9, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
You have addressed and developed the two main aspects of the task: outlining the problems caused by lack of sleep and suggesting possible solutions. To make it better, the essay would benefit from a deeper exploration of the issues and more varied solutions.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is structured with clear paragraphs for each main idea, but the coherence could be improved. The use of linking phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is effective, but the transitions between ideas within paragraphs can be smoother. Also, pay attention to paragraph structuring for a more polished presentation.

Lexical Resource (LR):
Your vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are instances of incorrect word usage and repetition. For instance, using "moan" instead of "complain" can change the tone.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
There are several grammatical errors in your essay, such as issues with verb forms and sentence construction. Subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles also need attention.

Overall: The essay starts off beautifully with high control over sentences, but as we move on towards the end, the errors increase and the control significantly weakens. Please note that despite an overall 6.5, there are 4 subscores of 9.0 in the chart.

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task

8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question

8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas

8.0

Coherence and Cohesion

9.0 sequences information and ideas logically

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

8.0 uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
You have addressed and developed the two main aspects of the task: outlining the problems caused by lack of sleep and suggesting possible solutions. To make it better, the essay would benefit from a deeper exploration of the issues and more varied solutions.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is structured with clear paragraphs for each main idea, but the coherence could be improved. The use of linking phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is effective, but the transitions between ideas within paragraphs can be smoother. Also, pay attention to paragraph structuring for a more polished presentation.

Lexical Resource (LR):
Your vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are instances of incorrect word usage and repetition. For instance, using "moan" instead of "complain" can change the tone.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
There are several grammatical errors in your essay, such as issues with verb forms and sentence construction. Subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles also need attention.

Overall: The essay starts off beautifully with high control over sentences, but as we move on towards the end, the errors increase and the control significantly weakens. Please note that despite an overall 6.5, there are 4 subscores of 9.0 in the chart.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In contemporary times, the prevalent complaint of insufficient sleep plagues many individuals, generating a multitude of consequential problems and prompting a search for viable solutions.

Lack of adequate sleep yields an array of health concerns. Physically, it heightens vulnerability to obesity, cardiovascular ailments, and compromises immune functions, leaving individuals more susceptible to illnesses. Mentally, the impact is equally profound, impairing cognitive abilities, diminishing concentration, triggering memory lapses, and fostering mood disturbances. Chronic sleep insufficiency also elevates stress levels and can exacerbate prevalent mental health conditions, such as anxiety and depression, significantly affecting an individual’s overall well-being and quality of life.

To counteract the pervasive issue of insufficient sleep, proactive measures are essential. Cultivating effective sleep hygiene practices stands as a crucial step. Establishing a consistent sleep schedule, optimizing sleep environments, and minimizing exposure to stimulants or electronic devices before bedtime form the cornerstone of improved sleep quality. Moreover, education and awareness campaigns can emphasize the paramount importance of sleep in overall health, fostering behavioral changes and prioritizing rest.

Furthermore, embracing relaxation techniques such as meditation, mindfulness, or engaging in regular physical exercise facilitates improved sleep patterns. Workplace policies advocating for a healthy work-life balance enable individuals to better manage their schedules, emphasizing the importance of adequate rest.

Seeking professional guidance for persistent sleep difficulties becomes imperative. Healthcare providers offer personalized advice or treatments, ensuring tailored approaches to address specific sleep-related concerns.

In conclusion, the pervasive challenges posed by inadequate sleep encompass multifaceted health implications. Implementing comprehensive strategies involving lifestyle adjustments, education, and professional guidance can significantly mitigate the detrimental effects of insufficient sleep, contributing to improved overall health and well-being.

270 words

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