Protected: IELTS Writing Task 1 Report sample 3418 – Band 6.0

Academic IELTS Writing Task 1 - Report

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The charts below show the changes in the percentage of people born in Australia and those born outside Australia who lived in cities, towns, and rural areas in 1995 and 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

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202 words
Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

November 6, 2020

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Achievement (Ac)
6.0 addresses the requirements of the task
6.0 presents and adequately highlights key features
7.0 could be more fully extended
6.0 presents an overview with information appropriately selected
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically
6.0
Lexical Resource
6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
6.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this report. The response describes the main trends and makes some relevant comparisons.
However, it lacks a clear overview that summarizes the changes between 1995 and 2010. Some parts could be expressed with greater clarity. There are minor inaccuracies, such as “urban or rural areas” (should likely be "towns or rural areas"). Some sentences feel repetitive, and transitions could be improved to enhance the flow between ideas. For instance, more concise linking phrases could help avoid redundancy in explaining city, town, and rural populations.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The bar charts illustrate the changes in the percentage of people born in and outside Australia living in cities, towns, and rural areas between 1995 and 2010.
Overall, it is evident that in both years, people born in and outside Australia showed a preference for living in cities. This trend intensified by 2010, with a substantial shift of the population toward urban areas and a decline in the proportion residing in rural areas and towns.
In 1995, approximately 50% of people born in Australia lived in cities, whereas a slightly higher proportion, around 60%, of those born outside Australia chose urban areas. Rural areas were also relatively popular, with about 30% of Australians and 40% of foreigners residing there. In contrast, towns were the least populated areas, with only 20% of the Australian-born population and a smaller percentage, slightly above 10%, of those born outside the country.
By 2010, cities became even more dominant as the primary place of residence, with over 60% of Australian-born individuals and 80% of people born outside Australia living in urban areas. Conversely, the proportions of people residing in towns and rural areas decreased significantly. Only around 20% of Australians lived in towns and rural areas combined, while the percentage of foreigners living in these regions dropped to less than 10%.
216 words

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