Protected: IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay sample 3438 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people think that governments should spend more money on public services such as healthcare and education, while others believe that it is better to invest in cultural and historical sites.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Arts and Entertainment, Culture and Traditions, Economy and Business, Education, Task 2 essay, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

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209 words

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

March 18, 2020

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

6.0 addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others

6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

5.0 presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail

5.0

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0 arranges information and ideas coherently

6.0 there is a clear overall progression

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout

6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically

6.0

Lexical Resource

6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

5.0 uses only a limited range of structures

7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

7.0 they do not impede communication

5.0

5.5

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. The most important factor is that the essay is too short. Task 2 should be at least 250 words, but this essay is only 209 words.
Both views are discussed, and the writer gives an opinion, so the task is understood. Ideas are relevant, but they are not developed enough. The essay needs more explanation and stronger support. Organization is generally clear because it has an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Vocabulary range is minimally adequate but used fairly accurately. Grammar range is limited, lacking variety.

The biggest improvements needed are:
write at least 250–280 words
explain each idea more fully
use more natural phrasing
improve grammar accuracy

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

It is argued that governments should spend more money on public services such as healthcare and education, while others believe that investing in cultural and historical sites is more beneficial. Both views have merit. This essay will discuss both perspectives before explaining why I believe governments should allocate money to both areas equally.

On the one hand, many people believe that healthcare and education should be the government’s main priorities. The reason is that these services directly affect citizens’ quality of life. A well-funded healthcare system helps people live longer and healthier lives, while a strong education system prepares young people for the future and supports national development. For example, the UAE has invested heavily in free healthcare and education for its citizens, which has contributed to social progress. However, focusing only on these sectors may lead governments to neglect cultural and historical sites, which can also be important for a country.

On the other hand, some people argue that governments should invest more in cultural and historical places. This is because such sites preserve a nation’s identity and can attract large numbers of tourists. Tourism often creates jobs and brings income to the economy. For instance, the pyramids in Egypt are carefully protected because they are both historically valuable and economically beneficial. In addition, historical sites help people learn about their country’s past and feel connected to their heritage.

In conclusion, both public services and cultural and historical sites are important. In my opinion, governments should aim to spend money on both equally because a successful nation needs not only healthy and educated citizens, but also a strong cultural identity.

271 words

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