Protected: IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay sample 3436 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people have decided to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flying altogether.
Do you think the environmental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages for individuals and businesses?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

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305 words
Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

November 14, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
7.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
8.0 skillfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. State your opinion clearly and directly in both the introduction and conclusion (e.g. “In my view, the disadvantages for people and businesses are more serious than the environmental benefits.”). Develop each main idea with clear, specific explanations and a more concrete example; the environmental side is clearer (carbon footprint, greenhouse gases, air quality); the Individual side is weaker, however.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In recent years, a growing number of people have chosen to reduce the frequency of their flights or even stop flying altogether. Although this trend clearly benefits the environment, I believe that, overall, the disadvantages for individuals and businesses outweigh these gains.
From an environmental point of view, flying less can make a meaningful contribution to tackling climate change. Air travel is responsible for a significant share of greenhouse gas emissions, especially on long-haul routes. When people choose alternative forms of transport, such as high-speed trains in Europe, their individual carbon footprint can be greatly reduced. For example, many travellers have embraced the idea of “flight shame”, deliberately avoiding short flights and using rail instead. If this behaviour becomes widespread, it can slow global warming and improve air quality in cities located near major airports.
However, the costs of this development for individuals are considerable. Air travel is often the only practical way to maintain close relationships when families are spread across different continents. If people stop flying, they may see their relatives far less frequently, which can lead to isolation and emotional stress. In addition, some professionals depend on international travel to build partnerships, attend conferences, or provide on-site services. Restricting their ability to fly may limit career progression and reduce their income.
Businesses, particularly in the tourism and aviation sectors, are also likely to suffer. Airlines, hotels and travel agencies rely heavily on international visitors to remain profitable. A sharp decline in demand could lead to lower revenues, job losses and even the closure of smaller companies. Although some jobs might be created in greener transport industries, this transition would be slow and painful for many workers.
In conclusion, while flying less undoubtedly brings environmental benefits, I believe that the negative consequences for individuals and businesses are more serious. Therefore, it would be better to focus on cleaner aviation technologies and carbon-offsetting schemes rather than on dramatically reducing air travel itself.
323 words

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