Protected: IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay sample 3432 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction, particularly among many young people.
What are the causes of this problem?
What can be done to solve it?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

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339 words
Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

February 28, 2020

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
6.0 there is a clear overall progression
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. It addresses the causes and solutions of social media replacing face-to-face interaction, but it needs deeper idea development, stronger coherence (The essay lacks a strong thesis statement in the introduction, and the conclusion is vague and does not summarize key points effectively), and improved grammar (Sentence fragments and awkward phrasing reduce readability).

Recommendations for Improvement:

- Develop ideas more fully: Explain points with specific examples and avoid repetition.
- Improve coherence and cohesion: Use linking words more effectively and ensure smooth transitions.
- Expand lexical resource: Use a wider range of vocabulary naturally and accurately.
- Fix grammatical errors: Pay attention to verb tenses, articles, and sentence structure.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In today's digital age, social media has become the primary means of communication for many young people, often at the expense of face-to-face interactions. This shift can be attributed to several factors, including the rapid advancement of technology, a growing sense of isolation, and psychological factors such as social anxiety. This essay will explore the main causes of this issue and propose effective solutions to address it.
One major reason for the increasing reliance on social media is the fast-paced development of technology. With the rise of digital platforms, communication has become more convenient than ever. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, face-to-face meetings were largely replaced by virtual interactions through platforms like Zoom, leading to a long-term shift in social habits. Furthermore, young people often use social media to stay updated on trends in fashion, entertainment, and lifestyle, as they fear being left out or feeling inadequate compared to their peers. Another significant cause is the growing sense of loneliness. In the past, people who struggled to socialize had limited options for interaction. Today, social media provides a platform where they can express themselves without fear of judgment. Similarly, individuals with social anxiety or other psychological challenges find it easier to build connections online rather than engaging in real-life interactions.
Despite its benefits, excessive social media use has negative consequences, such as online harassment, cyberbullying, and unrealistic beauty standards, all of which can harm young people’s mental health. To mitigate these issues, several steps can be taken. First, parents should monitor and set limits on their children's screen time to encourage a healthier balance between online and offline interactions. Additionally, governments should regulate social media content to minimize harmful influences, such as cyberbullying and misleading beauty ideals. Schools and communities should also promote face-to-face activities, such as group projects and outdoor events, to foster real-life social skills. Moreover, raising awareness about mental health and the psychological effects of social media can help young people make more informed choices about their online engagement.
In conclusion, while social media offers numerous advantages, it is crucial to maintain a balance between online and real-world interactions. By implementing stricter regulations, encouraging offline activities, and promoting mental health awareness, we can help young people develop healthier social habits and strengthen face-to-face communication.
395 words

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