Protected: IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay sample 3425 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Environment, Health and Well-being, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

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457 words

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

November 23, 2020

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

7.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation

7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

6.5

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. It addresses the prompt effectively, offering a clear position ("luck plays a role, but effort and belief in oneself are more significant"). Examples are included to support arguments (e.g., the businessman building a company, the girl practicing for an exam). The response meets the minimum word requirement.

Several minor errors throughout:
Incorrect prepositions: "succeeding in purposes" → "succeeding in achieving goals."
Verb forms: "it won’t simply come to us" could be more formal as "it will not simply come to us."
Punctuation: Overuse of commas, especially in complex sentences.
Some word choices are awkward or incorrect (e.g., "succeeding in purposes," "relevant influence").
Over-reliance on basic structures and repeated phrases (e.g., "working hard").
Collocations could be improved (e.g., "prevent the future" should be "predict the future"; "good energy" is informal for this context).

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

It is often believed that achieving goals in life depends more on fate than on sacrifice and effort. While luck plays a fundamental role in success, I believe it is not the only factor we should rely on. On the contrary, unforeseen events and circumstances must also be considered when planning to achieve a goal.

First and foremost, success is rarely gifted to us effortlessly. When we aim to accomplish a goal, significant effort and hard work are essential. Since achieving a specific result requires dedication, it does not happen by chance. For example, consider an individual who successfully builds a thriving business. This outcome is typically the result of perseverance, strategic planning, and diligent preparation rather than sheer luck. They may have studied extensively, saved money to invest, and spent years developing their business. Moreover, I believe we have the power to influence our outcomes through our mindset. Maintaining a positive attitude while working towards a goal can significantly impact the result. For instance, if a student preparing for an exam convinces herself that she will fail, she is more likely to perform poorly because of her negative mindset. In contrast, a positive outlook can enhance motivation and contribute to a better outcome.

On the other hand, while luck is undeniably an influencing factor in achieving goals, its role is relatively minor compared to other variables. Some people argue that destiny is predetermined and beyond our control. However, I disagree with this perspective, as I believe we can shape our future through determination and hard work. For instance, if the same student preparing for an exam believes that her score is already decided, she might stop practicing, which would negatively affect her performance. Furthermore, luck is inherently unpredictable and unreliable. Relying on luck alone, such as expecting an exam to be easy, is risky because circumstances may turn out to be far less favorable than anticipated. This demonstrates that we cannot foresee the future, and as a result, we must trust in our efforts and preparations rather than external factors.

To conclude, while I acknowledge that luck has some influence on success, it is not the defining factor. Instead, achieving goals depends primarily on consistent effort, perseverance, and a positive attitude. By focusing on these elements, we can take control of our own achievements and create a brighter future for ourselves.

392 words

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