IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay sample 3416 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people think that it's a good Idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

In recent decades, mastering comunication communication and social skills have become increasingly crucial among professionals. While some argue that co-workers should socialise out of their work hours, others believe that it is vital that professionals do not integrate their personal lives with their professional lives. I subscribe to the latter viewpoint.

Some people may claim that socializing with colleagues out of work time increases productivity at work; because once they are involved in social activities, they are more likely to develop a broad understanding of each other’s characters, leading to a better performance. Admittedly, they develop deeper connections, leading to better collaboration at work. However, at the times of crisis or promotion, envy and jealousy may arise, leading to serious conflicts, which negatively impacts the workforce. For example, the IUA institute in the US conducted research in 2021 on employees of five capital corporations, for investigating to investigate the correlation between of the productivity to and employees’ socialization. The institute reported that employees that were engaged in social events together encountered more complications with each other than those who distinguished their private lives with their career lives.

On ther other hand, some critics rightly advocate the separation of personal life with from professional life. Such separation will increase the staff’s focus while at work. Moreover, It avoids conflicts and intimidations among employees. This is because if employees know unnecessary details about each other’s private lives, they might take advantage of each other later on. Such conflicts may occur due to the competitive nature of work environments. Once collaborators at companies develop emotional connections through social activities, they are more likely not to follow professional manners at work, creating tensions, especially for job promotions that two parties are equally eligible for. For instance, a Romanian statistics center declared that 95% of employees who isolated their privacy from work lives performed far better at work than those who did not.

To sum up, although it might seem that encouraging co-workers to participate in social gatherings together out of work period can be a good idea, I believe such socialization is unnecessary. It can trigger envy or jealousy among these individuals at the promotions moments and it causes complications and derails the professional work ethics from its their path. I would suggest that professionals do to not mix their personal lives with their professional lives.

377 words

Planning Stage

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

October 7, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
6.0 there is a clear overall progression
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do
6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. Some sentences feel awkward and slightly disjointed, such as the transition between discussing envy and the example of the IUA research. There are instances where sentence structures could flow more smoothly to create better cohesion. Additionally, the concluding paragraph could have a more direct connection to both the views and the reasons mentioned earlier.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In recent decades, mastering communication and social skills has become increasingly crucial among professionals. While some argue that colleagues should socialize outside of work hours, others believe it is vital to keep personal lives separate from professional ones. I subscribe to the latter viewpoint.
Some people claim that socializing with colleagues outside of work can increase productivity. By engaging in social activities, employees are more likely to develop a deeper understanding of each other's personalities, which may lead to better collaboration. Admittedly, building strong personal connections can enhance workplace cohesion. However, during times of crisis or competition for promotions, envy and jealousy may arise, which can cause serious conflicts and negatively impact the workplace. For example, a 2021 study conducted by the IUA Institute in the US investigated the correlation between productivity and socialization among employees in five major corporations. The study revealed that employees who participated in social events together faced more complications at work compared to those who kept their personal and professional lives separate.
On the other hand, some argue that maintaining a clear separation between personal and professional life is essential for workplace efficiency. This separation allows employees to remain focused on their tasks, and it helps prevent conflicts or misunderstandings that could arise from knowing too much about each other’s personal lives. Additionally, once emotional bonds are formed through social activities, employees may struggle to maintain professional decorum, especially when competing for promotions. For instance, a Romanian statistical center reported that 95% of employees who kept their personal lives private performed better at work than those who did not.
In conclusion, while encouraging colleagues to socialize outside of work may seem beneficial, I believe it can lead to unnecessary complications such as envy and a breakdown of professional ethics. Therefore, it is best for professionals to keep their personal and work lives separate.
308 words

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