IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3415 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.
Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

People who are highly ambitious take risks to achieve their personal as well as professional goals, although it is quite challenging to maintain both sides in our life. From my standpoint, taking risks can outbalance the cons that come alongside the pros.

On the ladder of a professional job, an individual feels his instincts to move ahead for a handsome salary and lucrative position. Such people work tirelessly putting everything on the line to get their managers’ attention for a promotion. However, for obvious reasons, industrious people, in turn, may be impacted by health issues if they are not taking good care of themselves. Moreover, with a scarcity of time, they may be unavailable to spend quality time with their partner leading their relationship to run thin. Professionally motivated people wanted to see themselves flourish irrespective of their relationships with people outside of their work. In the long run, such people will be able to achieve their dream.

On the other hand, there are some people whose priorities are nothing but personal. Their goals in life are personal satisfaction and a strong family connection. For instance, they devote enough time to their partner and raising children to build a strong relationship. They feel satisfied seeing their partner’s growth and children acquiring life skills. Such kind of people tend to lean towards the growth of the family rather than their own professional growth. By other means, nonetheless, such people may work on elevating their personal growth such as attending a life coaching event, a sports session, and doing exercise. Over time, such people form unbreakable bonds with their family members and with society at large.

In conclusion, risk-taking in professional lives brings success and preferment, whereas it brings strong familial relationships and social bonding in personal lives. Therefore, it can be said that it is imperative to balance both professional and personal lives.

312 words
Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

October 6, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
5.0 addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places
6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
6.0 there is a clear overall progression
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
8.0 skillfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation
7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free
8.0 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
6.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. The argument could be more clearly developed. The conclusion mentions the importance of balancing both professional and personal lives, which is slightly different from the task's focus on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The candidate should have more explicitly stated whether they believe the advantages of taking risks indeed outweigh the disadvantages, as asked in the prompt.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

People who are highly ambitious often take risks to achieve their personal and professional goals, although it is quite challenging to maintain a balance between both aspects of life. From my standpoint, taking risks generally outweighs the disadvantages because it leads to significant personal and professional growth.
In the professional arena, taking risks can lead to substantial rewards, such as higher salaries and more prestigious positions. Individuals who are willing to step out of their comfort zones and work tirelessly are often rewarded with promotions and other opportunities. Although this pursuit can sometimes come at the cost of personal health or strained relationships, the long-term benefits of professional advancement—such as financial security and career fulfillment—often justify these sacrifices. For example, individuals who focus on their careers might initially struggle with time management, but they eventually achieve their dreams, providing them with a sense of accomplishment and stability.
On the personal side, taking risks can also have significant advantages. For instance, people who prioritize building strong relationships may take emotional risks, such as being vulnerable with their partners or making sacrifices for their family. These risks often result in deeper, more meaningful connections, which contribute to long-lasting happiness and emotional well-being. While it may require time and effort, the personal satisfaction and the strong family bonds formed are invaluable.
In conclusion, although taking risks in both professional and personal lives comes with challenges, the benefits—such as career success, financial stability, and deep personal connections—far outweigh the potential downsides. Therefore, I believe that taking risks is essential for achieving both personal and professional growth, and the advantages significantly outweigh the disadvantages.
276 words

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