IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3408 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Health and Well-being, Task 2 essay, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Many people believe that the high levels of sugar in manufactured food and drink products cause numerous health issues, such as obesity and diabetes. Therefore, some suggest that making them more expensive would reduce their consumption. I agree with this statement and believe that other measures are also necessary to encourage people to eat more healthier.

Firstly, increasing the price of sugary products might discourage people from buying them, especially those who are price-sensitive. When people see that the cost of their favorite sugary drinks or snacks has gone up, they may think twice before purchasing them. For example, in some countries, the government have introduced a sugar tax, which has led to a decrease in the consumption of sugary beverages. However, this approach may not be effective for everyone, as some people might continue to buy sugary products regardless of the price.

Secondly, I believe that education and awareness campaigns are essential in changing people’s behavior. Many people are unaware of the dangers of consuming too much sugar and the impact it can have on their health. By educating them about the risks associated with excessive sugar intake, people may be more motivated to reduce their consumption. Schools and workplaces could also play a role in promoting more healthier eating habits by providing better options in canteens and cafes.

In conclusion, while making sugary products more expensive could help reduce consumption, it is not the only solution. A combination of price increases and education is necessary to tackle the health problems associated with excessive sugar intake.

257 words

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

August 20, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question

8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

9.0 sequences information and ideas logically

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

7.0

Lexical Resource

6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation

7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms

7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

7.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

6.5

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. There are a few minor grammatical errors, such as "the government have introduced" (which should be "the government has introduced") and the use of "more healthier," which is incorrect. Additionally, a greater range of complex sentence structures could be used to demonstrate higher grammatical proficiency.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

Many people believe that the high levels of sugar in manufactured food and drink products cause numerous health issues, such as obesity and diabetes. Consequently, some argue that increasing the cost of these products would discourage consumption. I fully agree with this viewpoint and contend that complementary measures are also crucial to effectively reduce sugar intake and promote healthier eating habits.

Firstly, raising the price of sugary products through taxation can be an effective strategy to deter consumers, particularly those who are sensitive to price changes. For instance, in several countries where a sugar tax has been implemented, there has been a noticeable decline in the consumption of sugary beverages. This suggests that higher prices can lead to healthier choices, as consumers might opt for less expensive, healthier alternatives. However, it is important to acknowledge that price increases alone may not sufficiently impact all demographics, as individuals with higher disposable incomes may continue to purchase these products without hesitation.

Secondly, education and awareness campaigns are indispensable in fostering long-term behavioral change. Many consumers are not fully aware of the serious health risks associated with excessive sugar consumption, such as the increased likelihood of developing chronic diseases like type 2 diabetes and heart disease. By launching widespread public health campaigns, governments and health organizations can educate the public about the dangers of sugar and encourage them to make more informed dietary choices. Furthermore, schools and workplaces can play a pivotal role by offering healthier food options and promoting nutrition education, thereby instilling healthier habits from a young age.

In conclusion, while making sugary products more expensive is a viable approach to reducing their consumption, it is not a panacea. A holistic strategy that includes both economic measures and comprehensive education is necessary to effectively combat the health issues associated with excessive sugar intake. By addressing both the economic and educational aspects, society can move towards a future where healthier choices are the norm rather than the exception.

327 words