IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3402 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

The debate over competition or cooperation is as long as history itself. On the one side, there are people who are of the opinion that we are primal creatures and competing with each other for resources is undoubtedly an intrinsic value; however, others of the opinion that collaboration is the underpinning cause for a much brighter future for the humanity as a whole. Focusing on three main aspects, namely career, academic, and lifestyle, I wholeheartedly agree that in all fronts, we need cooperation. 

On the one hand, many point out completion in every aspect of our lives. At work, there are companies competing on a daily basis to get a larger market share and remove their rivals off their race. Tesla is a great example here as this car company has managed to compete with all its rivals, specifically its Chinese counterpart, to dominate the electronic vehicle market. Regarding the education, students are encourage to compete in order to secure academic position. In many middle eastern systems, you have to compete for your seat at your desired field of education; for western institutes, limited scholarships and grants are available to only a handful of applicants, working hard to win these life-changing prizes. There are numerous examples in our daily lives; from overtaking other cars in a highway to jumping in queues to receive our order of French fries sooner than others. In all aspects, the presence of rivalry is palpable. 

On the other hand, many people, including me, have adopted a different school of thoughts that cooperation will yield much more efficient results. At work, the best managers are the ones that instill a sense of teamwork in their subordinates; a company in robotics simply cannot create humanoid robots without the seamless collaboration among its software and hardware teams and among those teams as well. Submitting a thorough research paper focusing on the latest variant of the corona virus cannot be achieved unless a team of dedicated scientists, technicians, and microbiologists work hand in hand to overcome the multitude of obstacles in order to develop a new vaccine. Absence of a high degree of collaboration for an academic center might raise questions on the legitimacy or the authenticity of the submitted research paper. Examples in our everyday lives are also vivid. Had it not been for the cooperation among firefighters, never would we have been able to put out wildfires in the British Columbia’s forests. 

In short, it is cooperation, not competition, that will enable us to overcome larger problems. I hope this attitude towards our future will soon become an inseparable parts of our workplace, academic environment, and our urban lives. 

438 words

Planning Stage

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

August 4, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas
8.0
Coherence and Cohesion
9.0 sequences information and ideas logically
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
9.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately
9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout
8.0 uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately
7.0
Lexical Resource
9.0 uses a wide range of vocabulary
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
9.0 uses a wide range of structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. The essay addresses all parts of the prompt, discussing both competition and cooperation, and presents a clear opinion. The arguments are supported by relevant examples, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the writer’s stance. There are instances of incorrect word usage and awkward phrasing ("completion" instead of "competition," "school of thoughts" instead of "schools of thought"). Some vocabulary choices are too informal or not idiomatic, and this affects the overall lexical resource.

Video Feedback

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Kasra Sharifan

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British Council certified English teacher, IDP-trained IELTS instructor, content writer, editor-in-chief, co-founder, and Chief Financial Officer (CFO) at IELTS Juice Online Academy.

The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The debate over whether competition or cooperation should be encouraged in children is a long-standing one. On one side, some argue that competition is an inherent aspect of human nature, driving individuals to excel and secure resources. On the other side, many believe that teaching children to cooperate rather than compete fosters a more productive and harmonious society. While both perspectives have merit, I firmly believe that cooperation is more beneficial in the long run, particularly when considering career, academic, and lifestyle outcomes.
To begin with, competition is undeniably present in many areas of life. In the workplace, companies constantly vie for market dominance, striving to outperform their rivals. A prime example of this is Tesla, which has aggressively competed with other car manufacturers, especially its Chinese counterparts, to lead the electric vehicle market. Similarly, in the realm of education, students are often encouraged to compete for top positions and limited opportunities. In many Middle Eastern countries, for instance, students must compete fiercely to secure a place in their desired field of study. In Western institutions, scholarships and grants are often awarded to only the most outstanding applicants, creating a competitive atmosphere. Moreover, competition is evident in everyday scenarios, from overtaking other vehicles on the highway to rushing ahead in queues. In these contexts, the presence of rivalry is palpable.
However, the importance of cooperation cannot be overstated. In professional settings, the most successful managers are those who cultivate a spirit of teamwork among their employees. For example, a company in the robotics industry would struggle to create advanced humanoid robots without seamless collaboration between its software and hardware teams. Similarly, the development of a comprehensive research paper on the latest variant of the coronavirus would be impossible without the combined efforts of scientists, technicians, and microbiologists working together to overcome challenges and develop new vaccines. The absence of strong collaboration in such cases could lead to questions about the legitimacy and authenticity of the research. In everyday life, cooperation is equally vital. The successful containment of wildfires in British Columbia, for instance, would not have been possible without the coordinated efforts of firefighters.
In conclusion, while competition has its place, it is cooperation that ultimately enables us to tackle larger challenges and achieve greater success. By fostering a collaborative mindset in our workplaces, educational institutions, and daily lives, we can create a more efficient and harmonious society. I hope that this approach will soon become an integral part of our collective future.
414 words

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