Protected: IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3394 – Band 5.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes.

What are the reasons for this?

Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Health and Well-being, Sports and Leisure, Task 2 essay, Writing samples



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Password Protected

To view this protected post, enter the password below:

350 words

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

July 14, 2020

This is an IELTS writing band 5.0 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

5.0 addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places

6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

5.0

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0 arranges information and ideas coherently

6.0 there is a clear overall progression

5.0 makes inadequate, inaccurate, or over-use of cohesive devices

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

5.0

Lexical Resource

6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms

5.0 attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences

5.0 makes frequent grammatical errors, and punctuation may be faulty

5.0 errors can cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay.
Task Response (TR):
The candidate addresses the main topic but does not fully answer all parts of the task. The question asks for reasons (plural), but the response primarily focuses on flexibility as the main reason.
The candidate discusses whether this trend is positive or negative, but the development of ideas lacks depth and some aspects are not fully explored.
There is an attempt to provide examples, but they are not sufficiently detailed or relevant.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is organized with clear paragraphing, and ideas are generally connected well.
Some transitional phrases are used effectively, but there are occasional lapses in coherence and clarity due to awkward phrasing and minor errors.
Repetition of similar ideas affects the overall cohesion of the essay.

Lexical Resource (LR):
The candidate uses a range of vocabulary adequately but with some errors ("siginifant" for "significant", "becasue" for "because", "traffict" for "traffic").
There are some attempts to use less common lexical items, but these are not always used accurately or appropriately.
Frequent spelling mistakes and minor lexical errors reduce the overall effectiveness of the response.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
The candidate uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures but makes frequent grammatical errors.
Errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and word order are present and sometimes impede understanding ("avoiding wasting finances", "overal fitness level").
Issues with punctuation and article usage are also evident.

Overall:
The essay addresses the task but does not fully answer all parts, particularly the requirement to provide multiple reasons.
The response is organized logically but is marred by frequent errors in grammar, spelling, and lexical choice.
To improve, the candidate should focus on reducing errors in grammar and spelling, enhancing vocabulary usage, and providing more detailed and developed ideas in their response.

IELTS Juice

IELTS Juice is brought to you by Juice Academy, registered in ‌British Columbia, Canada. On this channel, experienced English teachers and IELTS experts provide lessons, tips, and guidance to help you improve your English and achieve the best results in the IELTS exam.

Subscribe

The IELTS Assessor

Kasra Sharifan

Co-founder and CFO

British Council certified English teacher, IDP-trained IELTS instructor, content writer, editor-in-chief, co-founder, and Chief Financial Officer (CFO) at IELTS Juice Online Academy.

The 5.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

Attending personal fitness training instead of participating in exercise classes or playing sports is becoming increasingly popular in some countries. This trend can be attributed to several significant factors. I believe that this is a positive development.

Firstly, personal fitness training offers greater flexibility. Individuals can schedule sessions at convenient times, ensuring they never miss a workout and avoid wasting money on unused gym memberships or sports classes. Personal training allows for tailored workout plans that cater to an individual's specific health conditions and fitness levels. This customization is not possible in group settings where the same routine is followed by all participants.

Secondly, personal trainers provide individualized attention, which can lead to faster and more effective results. With a personal trainer, people can receive immediate feedback and corrections on their form and technique, reducing the risk of injury. This level of personal attention and the ability to adapt workouts to the individual's progress contribute to the popularity of personal training. Additionally, the personalized approach can enhance motivation and commitment. When individuals work closely with a trainer who understands their goals and challenges, they are more likely to stay motivated and committed to their fitness routines.

I believe that the increasing demand for personal fitness trainers is a positive development. This trend allows for greater flexibility, personalized attention, and convenience, all of which contribute to more effective and efficient fitness outcomes. Personal training can save time and reduce the need for commuting to gyms or sports centers, which can be both time-consuming and costly. Furthermore, as personal training continues to gain popularity, it is likely that governments and fitness organizations will invest in programs to support and facilitate this trend, ensuring more people can benefit from personalized fitness training.

To sum up, the growing preference for personal fitness trainers over traditional exercise classes and sports can be attributed to the flexibility and individualized attention they offer. This trend is a positive development that can lead to better fitness outcomes and more efficient use of time and resources.

288 words