Protected: IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3391 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones.

Do you think this will happen one day?

Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Economy and Business, Policies and Government, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Technology, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

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342 words

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

July 11, 2020

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically

6.0

Lexical Resource

6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay.
Task Response (TR):
Strengths: The essay addresses all parts of the task, providing reasons why cash might be phased out and why some people might resist this change. Relevant examples are included to support the points made.
Weaknesses: Some arguments could be more developed, and there is a slight lack of clarity in expressing certain points. The essay could benefit from a stronger conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
Strengths: The essay is organized with clear paragraphs, and there is a logical progression of ideas. Transitional phrases are used to connect ideas.
Weaknesses: Some transitions are awkward, and the essay occasionally lacks fluidity. Better use of linking words and clearer connections between sentences could improve cohesion.

Lexical Resource (LR):
Strengths: The vocabulary range is adequate, and some attempts are made to use less common lexical items.
Weaknesses: There are several spelling mistakes and incorrect word choices ("deminished" instead of "diminished", "fade away" instead of "fade", "transfered" instead of "transferred", "suspecious" instead of "suspicious", "allocated" instead of "allocate", "vulnearability" instead of "vulnerability", "against" instead of "against", "confidentially" instead of "confidentiality"). Repetition of certain words and phrases could be reduced.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
Strengths: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences. Some grammar points are handled correctly.
Weaknesses: Frequent grammatical errors detract from the overall quality ("easily prosecute the suspecious cases", "for a cash", "leading to saving resources", "method is that they want less control"). Better attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation is needed.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In recent decades, technological advances have facilitated transactions, making major purchases possible using electronic payments such as phones or cards. Some argue that soon, cash payments will be diminished, and people will only be able to buy things via electronic payments. I am of the opinion that cash payments will eventually fade away. This essay will also explore some contributing factors as to why some people do not want to abandon cash in their daily business.

To begin with, people can benefit from faster transactions if they choose the e-payment method. The money can be virtually transferred to the seller from the customer in a split second, saving time for both parties involved in business. Moreover, e-payment is more secure and trackable in case a fraudulent transaction occurs, and bankers can easily prosecute suspicious cases of theft and protect their customers. In contrast, cash transactions lack tracking and security. Additionally, governments no longer need to allocate substantial funds to print cash for their citizens, leading to resource savings. For example, in 2009, the US Army conducted research on the vulnerability of cash versus e-payment and found that e-payment is a far more secure method of money transfer.

The underlying reason why some people are reluctant to use the e-payment method is that they desire less control. In other words, they do not want to provide clear information about their expenditures to tax agencies, which can track these transactions. They believe that cash allows them freedom of choice and privacy. For instance, according to Madrid officials, over 90% of butchers identified as illiterate did not approve using e-payment machines even if they were provided for free.

To sum up, although some people are against using e-payment due to confidentiality concerns, I believe that electronic payment will become the prime choice in the near future as it provides a fast and secure way of transaction. It is likely that governments will invest substantial funds to accelerate the development of e-payment infrastructure.

337 words