IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3384 – Band 5.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

The development of the computer is a global phenomenon.
What are the main advantages and disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

There is no doubt that the computer has taken an immense place worldwide since it has evolved. Apart from its countless benefits, it has also got its sad reality and drawbacks.

Let’s begin with its some of the numerous advantages . since birth, a child attaches is attached to the an ipad/tablet or other form of computer along with their parent’s parents’ parenthood; learning and digital literacy a computer’s brought about as the child grows and progressing progresses to calling/chatting/texting using handheld devices in their teenage life. Not only do computers assist in making friends but also growing them, nonetheless, over the time. Globally, it also prepares a candidate to stand out and utilise their digital skill set in their career endeavours. It can be safely said that computers are a form of boon to humankind in boosting their growth and development as well.

However, one of the major cons of using the computer is the impact of it on the mental health. A research paper published by an Australian independent body- the Grattan Institute; , summarised that spending a lot of hours in front of the screen playing video games and watching movies makes children more vulnerable to suffering from anxiety and subclinical depression, most if not all, and in some cohort total disengagement from learning has also been established. Although computers have been tremendously remarkable in building motor skills and artificial intelligence, the outcomes are likely that people are becoming more unsocial and desensitised.

In conclusion, considering the development of computers, one must find the ways to balance their social life lives and using computers. Otherwise, people would will have to dealt deal with its their negative ramifications in the future.

268 words

Planning Stage

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

September 19, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
6.0 addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
5.0 expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn
6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion
6.0 arranges information and ideas coherently
6.0 there is a clear overall progression
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically
6.0
Lexical Resource
6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
5.0 may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation
5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader
5.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
5.0 attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences
5.0 makes frequent grammatical errors, and punctuation may be faulty
5.0 errors can cause some difficulty for the reader
5.0
5.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
The essay addresses the question and discusses both advantages and disadvantages of computers.
The ideas are relevant but lack depth and development.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but does not offer a clear resolution or strong closing statement.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is organized but lacks logical progression in some parts.
Paragraphs are not clearly separated, which affects readability.
There are some cohesive devices used, but their application is inconsistent, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow.

Lexical Resource (LR):
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary.
There are instances of inappropriate word choices and awkward expressions (e.g., "since birth a child attaches to the ipad/tablet form of computer").
Some repetition and overuse of certain phrases are noted.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but many sentences are awkwardly constructed.
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect use of tenses, articles, and prepositions (e.g., "along with their parent’s parenthood," "has also got its sad reality").
Errors sometimes obscure meaning, though the overall message remains comprehensible.

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The 5.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

There is no doubt that computers have become integral to modern life since their inception. Despite their numerous benefits, they also present certain drawbacks that need to be considered.
One of the primary advantages of computers is their role in education and learning. From an early age, children are introduced to tablets and computers, enhancing their digital literacy and cognitive skills. As they grow, these devices facilitate communication and social interaction through chatting, texting, and video calls, helping them build and maintain relationships. Moreover, computers equip individuals with essential digital skills, making them competitive in the job market. They also enable people to access vast amounts of information and resources, fostering a culture of continuous learning and self-improvement. Undoubtedly, computers have significantly contributed to human development and global connectivity.
However, the extensive use of computers has its downsides, particularly concerning mental health. According to a study by the Grattan Institute in Australia, prolonged screen time, especially for activities like video gaming and streaming, can lead to increased anxiety and subclinical depression among children. This overuse can also result in disengagement from traditional learning and social activities. Additionally, the constant exposure to digital screens can cause physical issues such as eye strain and poor posture. While computers have advanced motor skills and artificial intelligence, they may also cause individuals to become unsocial and desensitized, affecting their ability to interact in real-life situations.
In conclusion, while computers have revolutionized many aspects of life, it is crucial to find a balance between their use and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. By setting limits on screen time and encouraging alternative activities, individuals can enjoy the benefits of computers without suffering from their negative effects. Failure to do so could lead to significant mental and physical health issues in the future.
272 words

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