IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3383 – Band 7.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people believe that unpaid community services should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (For example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Culture and Traditions, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Some individuals think that volunteer work, like being a coach at a children’s sports club, doing charity work, or fixing up the neighbourhood, must be a compulsory part of high school curriculums. I wholeheartedly agree with this statement because this will help students develop their leadership skills and enroll into better universities.

Coaching juveniles in different kinds of sports benefits both the coach and the children. When students volunteer their time to help youngsters play sports, they inspire others to do the same. Additionally, this will increase the accessibility of various sports activities to less fortunate children who, otherwise, would not have been able to attend them. Also, students can develop vital leadership skills required to achieve a higher position in their careers. For example, a lot of managers in global car companies, like Toyota, stated that one of the things that helped them acquire the necessary leadership characteristics was coaching children. Only after they coached did their leadership skills really develop.

Working for a charity or cleaning up one’s neighbourhood has some advantages. Volunteering in a charity event aids by cutting the costs needed to organise it. Furthermore, giving a helping hand to the local community might help students become valuable team members in their future careers. By volunteering in such events, one might boost their chances of enrolling into the university of their choice. For instance, most Ivy league schools, such as Brown and Yale, recommend that all their applicants do various types of volunteer work in order to significantly improve their chances of getting accepted. If students do not volunteer, they might not be able to attend their desired universities.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that doing unpaid jobs is worthwhile, especially when students are ambitious. In addition to all the good volunteering will bring to the local community, students can simply do it so they either secure better occupations or enroll into their dream universities.

318 words

Planning Stage

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

September 25, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 7.0 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

9.0 sequences information and ideas logically

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

7.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation

7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

9.0 the communication is completely natural

7.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

9.0 uses a wide range of structures

8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free

8.0 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies

9.0 communication is completely natural

8.0

7.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. Task Report (TR):
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout.
Main ideas are relevant and well developed with examples.
Some ideas could be more deeply explored for a higher band.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is logically organized with clear progression.
Paragraphing is appropriate and cohesive devices are used effectively, though occasionally they may seem mechanical.
Some ideas could be connected more smoothly.

Lexical Resource (LR):
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision.
There are occasional errors in word choice and usage, but these do not impede communication.
More varied and sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
The essay shows a good range of complex structures.
There are occasional grammatical errors, but they do not impede understanding.
Greater accuracy and variety in sentence structures could improve the score.

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Some individuals advocate for the inclusion of mandatory unpaid community service in high school programmes, such as charity work, neighborhood improvement, or coaching sports for younger children. I fully agree with this proposal because it fosters essential life skills and enhances university applications.

Firstly, compulsory community service cultivates vital skills that are not typically taught in a traditional classroom setting. When students engage in activities like coaching sports, they learn leadership, communication, and teamwork. These skills are indispensable in both professional and personal contexts. For instance, many executives in multinational corporations, such as Toyota, have credited their success to early experiences in leadership roles during their youth. Moreover, community service encourages empathy and social responsibility, making students more well-rounded individuals.

Secondly, involvement in community service can significantly bolster a student’s university application. Prestigious universities, including those in the Ivy League, often look for applicants who demonstrate a commitment to social causes. Participating in charity work or neighborhood improvement projects showcases a student’s dedication to making a positive impact on society. For example, a student who has volunteered regularly is likely to be viewed more favorably by admissions committees at universities like Harvard or Yale. This not only enhances their chances of acceptance but also prepares them for the collaborative and socially engaged environment of higher education.

Furthermore, integrating community service into high school curriculums can create a more equitable society. It ensures that all students, regardless of their socioeconomic background, have the opportunity to contribute to their communities. This collective effort can lead to substantial improvements in local areas, fostering a sense of pride and unity among residents. Additionally, students from disadvantaged backgrounds might gain access to valuable networks and resources through their volunteer work, which can be instrumental in their future success.

In conclusion, making unpaid community service a compulsory part of high school programmes is a beneficial initiative. It equips students with essential life skills, enhances their university applications, and promotes social equity. Therefore, I strongly support the integration of community service into high school education.

334 words

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