IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3382 – Band 7.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Culture and Traditions, Education, Family and Relationships, Task 2 essay, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

It is often taught in many cultures around the world that juveniles can achieve anything they set their minds to. I believe the benefits of such teachings are learning hard work and better career prospects, while the drawbacks being delusion and burnout.

On the one hand, teaching youngsters that hard work pays off results in the development of a resilient mindset; this can lead them to put in the hours required to succeed in any task they attempt to finish, no matter how long. By doing so, they are well prepared to encounter the numerous obstacles they will eventually face in their careers, particularly when employers expect their employees to work long hours. For instance, most mega-corporations, like Apple and SpaceX, expect their employees to work arduous hours in order to remain in the company. If employees do so, they will climb up the corporate ladder faster than their peers who are not as hard-working.

On the other hand, when parents instill a resilient mentality in their children, this may result in delusions and an inflated idea of self-worth. Telling juveniles they can achieve anything if they work harder might result in ambitions that are not based on reality; moreover, when they eventually fail in achieving their goals, they might ~~burn~~–~~out~~ burn out from the pressure of trying to impress their guardians or teachers. For example, Los Angeles is filled with failed actors who thought they ~~are~~ were the next Hollywood star, and instead of trying to recover, they decided to do service jobs that do not have any prospects later.

In conclusion, teaching youngsters a resilient mindset is a vital element to success in any work environment; however, they also should teach them how to make their ambitions and dreams based on reality, so that they do not become delusional and potentially burn out.

309 words

Planning Stage

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

September 13, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 7.0 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task

8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question

8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas

8.0

Coherence and Cohesion

9.0 sequences information and ideas logically

8.0 manages all aspects of cohesion well

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout

8.0 uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

8.0 skillfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation

8.0 produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation

9.0 the communication is completely natural

7.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

7.0 they do not impede communication

7.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a balanced view with appropriate examples.
It is well-organized and cohesive, with good use of vocabulary and a variety of sentence structures. There are some minor grammatical errors and occasional awkward phrasing, but these do not significantly affect the overall clarity or effectiveness of the writing.

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In many cultures around the world, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. While this message can instill a strong work ethic and determination in young minds, it also carries the risk of fostering unrealistic expectations and potential burnout. This essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of conveying such a message to children.

One of the primary benefits of telling children they can achieve anything with hard work is that it encourages perseverance and a strong work ethic. When children believe that their efforts can lead to success, they are more likely to tackle challenges head-on and persist through difficulties. This mindset is particularly valuable in the professional world, where resilience and dedication are often key to advancement. For instance, many successful entrepreneurs and leaders attribute their achievements to the belief that hard work pays off, citing their relentless pursuit of goals despite numerous setbacks. Additionally, this message can boost children's self-confidence, as they come to see themselves as capable and competent individuals.

However, there are significant drawbacks to this approach as well. Telling children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough can create unrealistic expectations. Not all goals are attainable, regardless of effort, due to factors such as inherent talent, resources, and opportunities. For example, not every aspiring athlete will become an Olympic champion, no matter how hard they train. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment when children inevitably encounter the limits of their abilities. Furthermore, the pressure to achieve high goals can result in stress and burnout. Children may push themselves to the brink in an attempt to meet these lofty expectations, neglecting their mental and physical well-being in the process. This is particularly evident in highly competitive environments, such as elite academic institutions or high-pressure careers, where individuals often face intense stress and burnout.

In conclusion, while the message that hard work can lead to success has its merits in fostering a strong work ethic and self-confidence, it also has significant drawbacks, including the risk of unrealistic expectations and burnout. Therefore, it is crucial for parents and educators to balance this message with realistic guidance and support, helping children set achievable goals and understand that failure is a natural part of the learning process. By doing so, children can develop a healthy and balanced approach to achieving their aspirations.

361 words