IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3379 – Band 7.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.

Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Health and Well-being, Task 2 essay, Work and Employment, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

It is crucial for individuals to take calculated risks, especially in their careers and personal lives. Although this might cause short-term discomfort for most people, I believe the benefits of taking chances provide better long-term outcomes.

Quitting a decent job to secure a potentially high-paying one might result in temporary distress for the average worker. This stems from the loss of financial security that an occupation can provide, and the fear of not having the ability to find a better job. Similarly, moving out from one’s parents’ house may cause them to temporarily miss the comfort of their family. For instance, most blue-collar workers in Jordan keep their occupations for decades because changing companies seems like a daunting task, and that they may never be able to find new jobs. Also, young adults may not move out of their guardians’ houses because they might end up homeless. Even though those concerns are valid, I think that individuals should not avoid taking calculated risks due to their short-term unpleasant effects but think of the long-term benefits instead.

Alternatively, changing occupations in search of better opportunities, although distressing at the beginning, might result in better pay in the future. Since negotiating a wage while having a job gives individuals an upper hand, they can ask for their expected salaries or come close to it. Also, teenagers leaving their parents’ houses allow them to attend universities outside of their area, potentially causing them to have better careers. For instance, office workers who change their jobs every three to five years make more than a third when compared to their peers at in the same position who stayed at their jobs for decades. I believe this way of thinking is more beneficial, since it provides a better outcome later in life.

In conclusion, taking risks does not come without drawbacks; however, I believe the long-term benefits of taking calculated chances, particularly greater career success and personal growth, outweigh the temporary discomfort and uncertainties.

328 words

Planning Stage

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

September 16, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 7.0 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task

8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question

8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas

8.0

Coherence and Cohesion

9.0 sequences information and ideas logically

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

7.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation

8.0 produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation

9.0 the communication is completely natural

7.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free

8.0 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies

9.0 communication is completely natural

7.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay.
Task Response (TR): You have addressed the prompt well, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of taking risks and providing a clear viewpoint. Make sure to consistently link back to the main argument to strengthen your position.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Your essay is well-organized, but try to use more varied linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource (LR): While your vocabulary is good, incorporating more sophisticated words and expressions could further enhance your essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Your grammar is strong, with varied sentence structures. Focus on minimizing minor errors to improve accuracy.

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It is crucial for individuals to take calculated risks, particularly in their careers and personal lives. Although this may cause short-term discomfort for most people, I firmly believe that the benefits of taking chances provide significantly better long-term outcomes.

Quitting a secure job to pursue a potentially higher-paying one might lead to temporary distress for the average worker. This arises from the loss of financial security that an existing occupation provides and the fear of being unable to find a better position. Similarly, moving out of one's parents' house can cause temporary discomfort from missing the familial support. For instance, many blue-collar workers in Jordan remain in the same job for decades because changing companies seems daunting, and they fear unemployment. Likewise, young adults often hesitate to leave their guardians’ homes due to the risk of homelessness. Although these concerns are valid, I assert that individuals should not avoid taking calculated risks due to their short-term unpleasant effects but rather focus on the long-term benefits.

On the other hand, changing occupations in search of better opportunities, although initially distressing, often leads to improved financial prospects. Negotiating a salary while employed gives individuals leverage, allowing them to secure higher wages. Additionally, teenagers leaving their parents' homes to attend universities far from home can significantly enhance their career prospects. For example, office workers who change jobs every three to five years tend to earn significantly more than their peers who remain in the same position for decades. This approach is more advantageous as it ensures better outcomes in the long run.

In conclusion, while taking risks comes with inherent drawbacks, I believe that the long-term benefits of taking calculated chances, particularly greater career success and personal growth, far outweigh the temporary discomfort and uncertainties. Embracing risk is essential for achieving significant progress and fulfillment in both professional and personal spheres.

316 words