IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3378 – Band 7.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

An increasing number of ill individuals are opting for alternative ways of seeking treatment rather than booking a doctor’s appointment and getting professional advice. I believe this is a negative development, primarily because misinformed people might make regrettable health and financial decisions.

Although medical alternatives might be appealing for to some patients, this might not be the safest approach to treating a disease. Most people consuming herbs and ‘healthy cocktails’ do not have any formal education in medicine or healthcare; thus, , thus leading them to eat or drink something that might exacerbate their current condition or cause additional health problems, particularly in the liver, since it metabolises almost everything we consume. Furthermore, this may lead them to present to their primary care physicians with more severe symptoms or irreversible damage to their bodies. Let us take elderly patients in Asian countries, for instance; they are known to drink a variety of medicinal plants for various health reasons without taking into account their current comorbidities. This might turn their flu-like illness into a life-threatening condition, like fulminant hepatitis.

Additionally, most of the medicinal plants are costly and are not regulated by laws that govern actual medical drugs. This might stem from the notion that a lot of herbal treatments are not based on factual research, making them not obligated to follow the regulations, since they are not actual medical treatments, of the ministry of health and the public health department, primarily when it comes to pricing. Moreover, herbalists might take advantage of this loophole, allowing them to scam uneducated elderly patients. This will eventually lead to dire financial losses which might cause further physical and psychological damages. Let us take Jordan, for example; they do not impose any regulations on the price of sage, a common herb used primarily for diarrhea, leading traders to sell them at outrageous prices to unknowing patients; this might result in distress when their symptoms become worse, and figure out that they were scammed. Alternatively, if they have had opted for traditional anti-diarrheal drugs, they would have paid a fraction of the price.

In conclusion, taking substitute medical cures might seem better for sick individuals; however, since most of them consume them without any professional advice, this might cause exacerbations of their current conditions or presenting with more severe illnesses. Also, since the prices on of such treatments are not regulated nor fixed, this might lead poor patients to pay hefty amounts of cash for something that may cause more harm than good.

417 words

Planning Stage

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

September 9, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 7.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
9.0 presents a fully developed position in answer to the question
9.0 with relevant, fully extended, and well-supported ideas
8.0
Coherence and Cohesion
9.0 sequences information and ideas logically
8.0 manages all aspects of cohesion well
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
9.0 skillfully manages paragraphing
6.0
Lexical Resource
9.0 uses a wide range of vocabulary
8.0 skillfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation
8.0 produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
9.0 the communication is completely natural
8.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
7.0

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay. The essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion by acknowledging potential positives of alternative medicine, even if the overall stance is negative. The essay also demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, including terms specific to the topic (e.g., "fulminant hepatitis," "comorbidities," "medicinal plants"). The vocabulary is used accurately and appropriately, but there are occasional awkward phrasings (e.g., "substitute medial cures") and minor errors in word choice and collocation.

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An increasing number of individuals are opting for alternative treatments rather than seeking professional medical advice. While there are some potential benefits to this trend, I believe it is a negative development, primarily due to the potential for misinformed decisions leading to adverse health and financial consequences.
One positive aspect of alternative medicine is that it can provide patients with a sense of control over their health. Many people find comfort in natural remedies and holistic approaches that focus on overall well-being. For example, practices such as acupuncture, meditation, and yoga have been shown to reduce stress and improve quality of life. Additionally, some herbal treatments have historical and cultural significance.
However, despite these benefits, alternative medicine is often not the safest approach to treating diseases. Many individuals consuming herbs and 'health cocktails' lack formal medical education, which can lead them to ingest substances that may worsen their conditions or cause additional health problems, particularly affecting the liver. Consequently, these individuals may present to their primary care physicians with more severe symptoms or irreversible damage. For instance, elderly patients in some Asian countries drink various medicinal plant concoctions without considering their existing health conditions, which can turn a minor illness into a life-threatening condition, such as fulminant hepatitis.
Furthermore, most medicinal plants are costly and are not regulated by laws governing medical drugs. This stems from the notion that many herbal treatments are not based on factual research, exempting them from health regulations, especially regarding pricing. Herbalists may exploit this loophole, scamming uneducated elderly patients and causing significant financial losses, leading to further physical and psychological damage. For example, in Jordan, there are no price regulations on sage, a common herb used for diarrhea, allowing traders to sell it at exorbitant prices to unsuspecting patients. This can result in distress when symptoms worsen and patients realize they have been scammed. Conversely, traditional anti-diarrheal drugs would have cost much less.
In conclusion, while alternative medical treatments may seem attractive to some for their holistic approach and cultural significance, the lack of professional guidance can lead to the worsening of existing conditions or the development of more severe illnesses. Additionally, the absence of regulation on the pricing of these treatments can lead to substantial financial losses for patients. Therefore, despite some potential positives, I believe that this trend is a negative development.
393 words

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