IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3368 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.
To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

In many countries, young people have decreased and the population of old people is more. A group of people think that the aging population has a negative effect on governments, and the second group thinks that it is an advantage if the population has more elderly people. One of the advantages of the aging population is the use of their experience, and one of the disadvantages is the reduction of the workforce.

According to the opinion of the first group, population aging is not an advantage for governments. The aging population reduces the number of people who can work.  When the age of people increases, they cannot do things like building, carrying, and driving;, as a result, it causes problems in jobs.Another disadvantage of the aging population is the increase in prices. When the age of people increases and they cannot work, the government has to accept immigrants to meet their needs, but this issue causes a decrease in houses and products, and the result is an increase in prices.

The second group thinks that the aging of the population is beneficial for the governments. When there are more elderly people in society, their experiences and lives can be used, and governments can use their recommendations for the development of society , but sometimes it is necessary to use new ideas suitable for the present time for progress, which requires the ideas of young people.

According to the explanations, I think the disadvantages of population aging are more than its advantages. The aging of the population has disadvantages such as the reduction of labor force and high cost, and its only advantage is the use of the advice of the elderly.

279 words

Planning Stage

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

June 13, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
5.0 addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places
6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion
5.0 presents information with some organization
6.0 there is a clear overall progression
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically
5.0
Lexical Resource
6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do
6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
5.5

Feedback:

Thank you for writing this essay.
Task Response (TR):
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position.
The main ideas are relevant and generally well-developed, although some points could be expanded further.
Some ideas are repeated, and there is a lack of specific examples to support arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is organized logically with clear paragraphs.
Transition words and cohesive devices are used effectively, though some transitions could be more varied.
Some sentences and ideas could flow more smoothly.

Lexical Resource (LR):
The vocabulary is adequate but repetitive (e.g., "aging population," "disadvantage").
Some less common lexical items are attempted but used inaccurately.
Occasional errors in word choice and form.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
The essay shows a mix of simple and complex sentence structures.
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect punctuation, verb tense agreement, and article usage.
Some sentences are awkwardly constructed and impact clarity (e.g., "population aging reduces the number of people who can work").

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In many countries, the proportion of young people is decreasing while the number of elderly citizens is on the rise. Some argue that an aging population poses significant challenges for governments, while others believe it brings numerous benefits to society. This essay will examine both perspectives and argue that the advantages of an aging population outweigh the disadvantages.
One key advantage of an aging population is the wealth of experience and knowledge that elderly people can offer. Their life experiences can provide valuable insights and guidance, particularly in areas such as governance, business, and education. For example, many companies benefit from having older, more experienced employees who can mentor younger staff and provide strategic direction based on years of accumulated wisdom. Furthermore, elderly people often play crucial roles in community and family life, offering support and stability.
However, there are also notable disadvantages associated with an aging population. One significant concern is the reduction in the workforce. As people age, their ability to perform physically demanding jobs diminishes, leading to potential labor shortages in certain sectors. Additionally, an aging population can increase the financial burden on governments. With more people retiring and fewer individuals working, the strain on pension systems and healthcare services intensifies. This can lead to higher taxes and reduced public spending on other essential services.
Despite these challenges, the benefits of an aging population can outweigh the disadvantages if managed properly. For instance, governments can implement policies that encourage older individuals to remain active and engaged in the workforce for longer periods. Flexible working arrangements and retraining programs can help older workers transition into less physically demanding roles, thereby alleviating labor shortages. Additionally, promoting healthy lifestyles and preventive healthcare can reduce the financial burden on healthcare systems.
In conclusion, while an aging population presents certain challenges, such as a shrinking workforce and increased financial pressures on governments, the advantages, including the invaluable experience and stability provided by elderly individuals, are significant. With appropriate policies and societal support, the benefits of an aging population can indeed outweigh the disadvantages.
341 words

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