IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3366 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Health and Well-being, Task 2 essay, Technology, Transportation, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

I disagree with this opinion and I think that computer technology has given a lot of benefits to our communications, medicine and transport system , instead of creating dangerous situations , but I also think someone would be against this development.

First of all, I believe that thanks the development of technologies we have achieve a lot of new facilities such as the smartphone, a device which can interlink anyone through the internet , for instance you can talk to someone in the opposite side of the world in a few seconds. Computers have also revolutionized the world of medicine, for example , sometimes can give a more accurate information about someone’s disease than a doctor knowledge. Nowadays ,the computer technology is being essential, thanks an introduction of artificial intelligence in medical machines , doctors can foresee a bad disease such as cancer thanks to these facilities.

With the artificial intelligence trend even the transport system can benefit from it, for instance , in US , uber has introduced self-driving taxi cars , which can be booked from an app on the smartphone and a car without a driver will come to you and will bring you wherever.

In my opinion the improvement of technologies has brought a new lifestyle in everyone , but someone says that could create dangerous situations such as more and more workers fired from their jobs because a computer has replaced their work.

In conclusion , I think new technologies have a relevant place in our society and can give a hand to each sector of our lifestyle.

263 words

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

October 4, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

6.0 addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

5.0 presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail

5.0

Coherence and Cohesion

5.0 presents information with some organization

5.0 there may be a lack of overall progression

5.0 makes inadequate, inaccurate, or over-use of cohesive devices

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically

5.0

Lexical Resource

6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Ensure all points are fully developed with detailed examples and explanations. Improve paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Use cohesive devices (e.g., however, moreover, on the other hand) to improve the flow of ideas. Work on expanding vocabulary range and using it more accurately. Practice collocations and ensure word choices fit the context. Focus on correcting grammatical errors, especially in article usage, verb forms, and punctuation. Practice writing complex sentences accurately.

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

Computer technology has become an indispensable part of modern society, particularly in critical sectors like communication, medicine, and transportation. While some fear that our heavy reliance on computers has led to a precarious situation, I firmly disagree with this viewpoint. In my opinion, the benefits that computer technology brings to these fields far outweigh any potential dangers, as it has enhanced efficiency, accuracy, and global connectivity.

First of all, technological advancements have greatly improved communication. For instance, smartphones allow people to connect instantly with others from different parts of the world via the internet. This kind of accessibility was unimaginable just a few decades ago. Similarly, in the field of medicine, computer technology has revolutionized healthcare. For example, artificial intelligence (AI) can now provide more accurate diagnoses than traditional methods in certain cases. AI-powered machines are also helping doctors detect serious diseases, such as cancer, at earlier stages, improving the chances of successful treatment.

In the transport sector, technology has also been transformative. In the United States, for example, companies like Uber have introduced self-driving cars, which can be booked through a mobile app. This not only improves convenience but could also reduce the risk of accidents caused by human error. As AI continues to evolve, these advancements will likely become even more prevalent.

However, despite these positive outcomes, there are concerns. Some argue that technology is causing job losses as machines replace human labor. While this is a legitimate issue, I believe that the overall benefits outweigh the potential drawbacks. Automation can free people from repetitive tasks and create opportunities in other industries.

In conclusion, while there are some risks associated with the increasing reliance on technology, I believe that the advantages it brings to communication, medicine, and transport far outweigh the potential dangers. Computer technology has become an indispensable part of modern life, contributing to improved quality of life across various sectors.

299 words