IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3350 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result.
Why do many working people not get enough exercise?
What can be done about this problem?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These days, people have hectic lifestyle which leads them not to get enough exercise during a working day and in the free time. It means that they have health problems. In this essay I will outline the reasons for producing this problem and a solution.

On the one hands there are several grounds for this strain. Firstly, working people should work hardly in order to make enough money. these days, the cost of living is astronomical, people would have to work for long hours. Such a compact time schedule means that, there will not be time on which people can put a new program for doing exercise. In addition, they will be that fatigues, which cannot get exercise in their leisure time after a working day. As a result, workforce might be very fat, and other issues are at stake, such as heart disease and high blood pressure.

Secondly, doing exercise during working day leads workforces to lose their concentration on work. Working in a sector in an industry or everywhere else is very sensitive because it involves in working with computer and software. Which means that workforce should be more focused and concenterated. If a timetable for getting exercise be present for workforces, they can not be concentrated and put their effort on the work. As psychologists belive that if people work on an issue, they will sustain that work for long hours, and an interuption during the work could impair the quality of that work. They consequence is that employers apply this theory on their employees and avoid them to do exercise during the work.

On the other hand, there are two remidies for this problem. Firstly, employers can enhance the salary of their workforces in a way that, people have not to work for long hours and in a way that, people have not to work for long hours and have enough time for setting exercise. Moreover, employees can give their emploees a free subscribtion at a sportclub. Through which, people can do exercise in their leisure time. The second solution is that, employers give their workforce a day to be off for participating in a sport program. It is enough for employees to get in shaped and avoid of possible health hazards.

In conclusion, doing exercise during the works is hard because of not having enough time for doing it, as well as employees concentration can be diverted. They are two solutions for their problem, giving more salary to employees, and a day off to working people can be effective.

424 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

November 7, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion
9.0 sequences information and ideas logically
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader
5.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Organizing the main thoughts clearly show high writing skill levels. To improve the score for this piece, it is best to check every word on a dictionary, see examples, elements of correct usage, and collocations. Making a note of past errors and keeping them in a personal error log would be good practice to help us get better at English.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The sedentary lifestyles of many working individuals, who often lack physical activity during both their work hours and leisure time, have led to a surge in health issues. This essay explores the reasons behind this issue and offers potential solutions.
Numerous factors contribute to the insufficient exercise among working people. Firstly, modern jobs, especially desk-bound roles, often entail long hours of sitting, limiting opportunities for physical activity. Additionally, the prevalence of technology has reduced the need for physical labor, as many tasks can be accomplished at the touch of a button. The daily commute, often by car, further reduces physical exertion. Combined with the stress and fatigue of work, these factors deter individuals from engaging in exercise during their free time.
Addressing this problem necessitates a multifaceted approach. Firstly, workplace initiatives can be introduced to promote physical activity during the workday. Employers can encourage short breaks for stretching or walking, provide standing desks, or even subsidize gym memberships. Moreover, fostering a culture of wellness within organizations can motivate employees to prioritize their health.
In their leisure time, individuals can be encouraged to participate in activities they enjoy, making exercise a more appealing prospect. Communities can organize fitness programs, sports events, and recreational spaces to facilitate physical activity. Educational campaigns about the benefits of exercise and the risks of a sedentary lifestyle can also raise awareness.
In conclusion, the lack of exercise among many working people is primarily attributed to the demands of their jobs and the convenience of modern technology. To mitigate this issue, a combination of workplace interventions, community initiatives, and educational efforts is essential. Promoting physical activity not only improves individuals' health but also enhances overall well-being.
250 words

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