IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3349 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Economy and Business, Policies and Government, Task 2 essay, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These days, many small local stores have been closed as people prefer to buy their necessaties from shopping malls. I suppose that this change is a negative development, and I will outline my reasons in the following essay.

To begin with, there are several reasons which show that this trend is negative. Firstly, people who would go for large shopping malls purchase their necessaties, they will impair financially that small stores which have located in their surroundings. These stores have restricted financial sources which should be provided by local people. To be precise, local residents who purchase an item like rice or dairy products from shopping malls, they prevent money to be entered into the account of local sellers. As a result, the local stores could be bankrupt overtime.

In addition, this trend can lead people to stuck in traffic jam. As there are some recognized shopping malls in cities, and they re usually located in the city center.people who would go for these centers, they create a heavy traffic in the main streets which can be got worse on holidays. Thus, the incidents of accidents will be raised, and the statistic of death would be considerable.

Moreover, citizens will waste their time so as to purchase their essential items from big shopping malls in preference to local shops. Fellow citizens’ would have to be in traffic for several hours, which is a waste of time. For example, I have read an article which has been recently published by a prestigious journal, and in which they obviously showed that people waste their time in traffic, especially in the points that in which shopping malls have to located, and in such points the waste of time was evident and high. Thus, the productivity of residents will be dropped, if they adopt this way in their daily life.

In conclusion, I hold the view that, this trend will be negative because local sellers might be bankrupt, and the accidents will be increased a long as people waste their time. In long terms, this strategy will be destructive for local economic.

348 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

November 6, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

6.0 there is a clear overall progression

5.0 makes inadequate, inaccurate, or over-use of cohesive devices

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

5.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. There are major points to improve in this essay:
1- Connectors (discourse markers) must be used accurately. There is overuse of the redundant subject “they” in two places as well as “and”.
2- Coinage is a mistake at IELTS, so even structures that make sense in other languages might sound weird or even wrong in English.
3- Verbs can be transitive and intransitive or even both; in any way, the usage and meaning must be checked in an English dictionary; for instance, the word “drop” if it means one must let go of an object is transitive, whereas “drop” as “decline” is intransitive.

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The trend of small local shops closing down due to customers flocking to large shopping centers or malls raises questions about its implications. In my view, this development has both positive and negative aspects, which are essential to consider.

On the one hand, the shift towards larger shopping centers and malls can be viewed as a positive development. These spacious retail hubs often offer a broader range of products, competitive prices, and a one-stop shopping experience. Customers benefit from the convenience of finding everything they need under one roof, saving time and effort. Moreover, these shopping centers often create job opportunities and contribute significantly to the local economy, benefiting communities as a whole.

On the other hand, the closure of small local shops has undeniable downsides. These small businesses are often the backbone of local communities, fostering a sense of familiarity and personalized service. Their closure can lead to the loss of unique, specialized products and the disappearance of the "neighborhood" shopping experience. Moreover, it can result in unemployment and economic challenges for the individuals and communities that rely on these small businesses.

In conclusion, the transition from small local shops to large shopping centers and malls has both positive and negative consequences. While the convenience and economic benefits of larger retail spaces are evident, the loss of local businesses and personalized services is a concern. Striking a balance between supporting local businesses and enjoying the conveniences of larger shopping centers is crucial to ensure thriving communities and diverse retail options.

245 words