IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3342 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Economy and Business, Task 2 essay, Work and Employment, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

these days, employers ask people who are seeking for job about personal information such as their hobbies and desires or their marriage’s status. some individuals hold the viewpoints that this information is useful and others disagree. In this essay i will outline these debates.

on the one hand, supporters of this strategies say that this information can boost the company’s income in long term. if employers know about the applicants’ Desire like their favorite sport as hobby or any activity which increases their job seekers’ incentive, they will provide them with these facilities. such facilities can be a free membership of a club in which employers can follow their interests. for example, doing table tennis or playing video games and so on.

in this regard, if they employers know about the marriages’ status of employees, they can give them extra salary. as a result, the company can meet my the employees’ expectations which are a positive factor for them, in order to work harder and increase the company’s income in the long passage. This can lead the company to create more job situations for job seekers.

On the other hand, opponents say that this information can discriminate between employees in the workstation. As employers know about every applicant in more details, they can act accordance with this information. This action might bee very visible among the employees, hence they could feel a sense of discrimination which leads them to be depressed. For example, when they see their fellow colleagues can work in that company with more privilidgees, they would work there with less energy which is a lead factor for making them to be depressed.

In conclusion, i agree with the first viewpoint because knowing about the personal information creates more income for thee company which has an important result for unemployed people in terms of job vacancies.

308 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

August 15, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0 arranges information and ideas coherently

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

7.0 they do not impede communication

7.0

6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The essay enjoys a number of very good points: the question is addressed and developed quite well; also, the complex structures are healthy with clear messages. The two areas which need improvement are vocabulary and cohesion. As for words, the range is quite wide, but some words do not fit the context. Cohesion -wise, paragraphs need shorter and clearer sentences; some sentences are long and too complex. Please look up these words in a monolingual (English – English) dictionary: incentive, income, workstation.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

Employers often solicit personal details like hobbies, interests, and marital status in job applications. This practice has sparked a divisive discourse on its significance. While some argue that such information holds relevance and value, others are staunchly opposed. This essay will dissect both perspectives and offer my viewpoint.

Proponents of including personal information contend that it provides a well-rounded view of the applicant. Hobbies and interests might unveil traits like teamwork, leadership, or creativity, potentially beneficial for specific roles. Additionally, marital status could be relevant for jobs involving travel or relocation, as it may impact availability and commitment.

On the contrary, opponents assert that requesting personal data can nurture prejudice. Marital status or hobbies might inadvertently breed bias, diverting attention from qualifications. Such practices could undermine diversity and equal opportunity in hiring.

In my view, personal information should not be a primary factor in job applications. While it may provide insight into character, assessments should primarily focus on qualifications. Relying on professional merits ensures an unbiased evaluation. Qualities like teamwork and communication can be evaluated through interviews and assessments without solely depending on personal data.

To conclude, the inclusion of personal information in job applications is a topic of contention. While it offers a broader perspective, it risks promoting bias. Striking a balance is essential; job applications should prioritize professional qualifications for fairness and equal opportunity in the hiring process.

253 words