IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3341 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These days, when people applying for Getting a job, They are being questioned about personal information to employ .In this case, some people agree with this approach, and others disagree.  in this essay, I will outline these two viewpoints.

On the one hand, those who agree with this view Express that this is strategy may help them to work comfortably and efficiently. questions pertaining to hobbies and whether applicants or married or single can help employers to plan about some structures. these can be useful for employees. for example, if employers known that some employees are appealing to a sports like tennis or football which are popular, they could help their workforces  to register at the sporty clubs with a considerable discount. or if they employees are married,  they could use a special loans which have been designated by the employers. such attitude towards the workforces can lead them to work efficiently and comfortably.

On the other hands, some people who oppose to this view, point that these private information could disturb the way of working at work station negatively.  they expressed that, when they reveal these confidential information, the employees might misuse of them.  for example, if some people are simple, They are given the suggestion of working with low salary.

this issue is very common in some countries like India. or if they are interested in some Sports, they are given the suggestion of subscribing a club with high cost which is compulsory.  these views lead them to work at company with low interest.

In conclusion, I agree with the First View which says that personal information should be asked by the employers,  provided that Welfare at the company should be fair for the fellow colleagues Who do not have any special  interest at  on a stable family life.

301 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

October 29, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response
6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion
6.0 arranges information and ideas coherently
6.0 there is a clear overall progression
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader
5.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do
6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The essay successfully addresses all parts of the task, but the writer’s own opinion needs more development; the conclusion in which the essay mentions the writer’s opinion has a conditional clause (from “… provided that” to “… unstable family lives.”) which needs more clarification. There are bold and admirable attempts to use a range of vocabulary but with medium control.

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The inclusion of personal information in job applications, such as hobbies, marital status, and interests, has sparked a debate regarding its relevance and utility. While some argue that this data offers valuable insights into an applicant's personality and compatibility, others contend that it can perpetuate bias and divert attention from qualifications. This essay will explore both perspectives and present my own stance on the matter.
Proponents of collecting personal information assert that it can provide a holistic view of the applicant, aiding in assessing their cultural fit within the organization. For instance, hobbies and interests might showcase qualities like teamwork, leadership, or creativity, which could be beneficial for certain job roles. Moreover, knowledge about marital status might be deemed relevant in fields that require extensive travel or relocation, as it could impact an individual's commitment and availability.
However, opponents argue that seeking personal information could lead to discriminatory practices. Marital status or hobbies might inadvertently lead to bias against certain individuals, and personal attributes might overshadow the candidate's actual qualifications. This can undermine diversity and equal opportunity in the hiring process.
In my opinion, while some personal information may provide insights into an applicant's character, the focus of job applications should primarily be on skills, experience, and qualifications. A more effective approach would be to assess candidates based on their professional merits, ensuring a fair and unbiased evaluation. Employers can utilize interviews and assessments to gauge qualities like teamwork and communication skills without relying solely on personal details.
In conclusion, the inclusion of personal information in job applications has its merits and drawbacks. While it can offer a broader perspective on candidates, it also has the potential to perpetuate bias. Balancing these aspects, I believe that job applications should prioritize professional qualifications to ensure fairness and equal opportunity in the recruitment process.
305 words

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