IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3312 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Health and Well-being, Sports and Leisure, Task 2 essay, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Nowadays, public health is one of the main concerns of societies. The ways of improving the public health are controversial. Some people believe that providing aport facilities is the best way, but others argue that this way has minimal effect on health and there are more ways which should be implemented to deal with this problem.

Based on the opinion of a group of people , a large number of sport facilities in societies would improve the health in an effective way. They think that such equipments would encourage people to exercise. It is clear that exercising is positively correlated with burning body fat and calories. So, it would acts as precursor to improving the public health. Such facilities can be provided either in the gyms or parks. As a case in point, there are numerous well-equipped gyms in the university of Torronto, and healthy bodies of students who are going to these gyms well embodies this point.

On the other hand, some people such as experts and parents believe that such equipements wouldn’t affect the public health significantly, and there two more ways which can be applied to solve this problem. First of all, individuals abed to fartus on the diets. Junk foods such as pizza are not healthy for the body and it would not damage health. Many students at high schools prefer to eat fast food which is detrimental to the body. Moreover, these days, the membership cost of gyms is expensive. If the government forced all gymes to decrease the price of membership, it would act as a catalyst for encouraging more people to go to the gym.

To conclude, even though providing more facilities in the gyms and parks would help people to improve their health, I strongly agree that junk food served in restaurants and expensive membership are some factors which hinder improving the public health.

312 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

September 3, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Regarding coherence and cohesion, this essay needs to focus on referencing, i.e. the accurate use of “the” as a referent; as for vocabulary, uncountable words and spelling require extra attention. In grammar, subject-verb agreement is an important factor to improve in this essay. Having said these comments, the vocabulary and grammar ranges are within the band 7 range.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

Public health is a topic of paramount importance, and various strategies are proposed to enhance it. One perspective advocates for increasing the number of sports facilities as the most effective means to improve public health, while others argue that such an approach alone may yield limited results and that additional measures are necessary. This essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide my own perspective on the matter.

Proponents of expanding sports facilities argue that they encourage physical activity and active lifestyles, which can significantly contribute to better public health. Having accessible sports facilities, such as parks, gyms, and sports centers, can motivate people to engage in regular exercise, combat obesity, and reduce the risk of chronic illnesses like heart disease and diabetes. Exercise, they contend, promotes mental well-being, strengthens the immune system, and fosters a healthier society overall.

Conversely, skeptics argue that merely increasing the number of sports facilities may not be sufficient. They point out that availability alone does not guarantee utilization. Factors such as time constraints, motivation, and personal preferences play vital roles in determining whether individuals choose to participate in physical activities. Additionally, some segments of the population, such as those with disabilities or in underserved communities, may face barriers that limit their access to sports facilities.

In my view, while expanding sports facilities is undoubtedly a positive step toward improving public health, it should be part of a comprehensive approach. Public health initiatives should encompass educational campaigns, affordable healthcare, and policies that encourage physical activity in daily life, such as creating walkable communities and promoting active transportation options like cycling and walking. Moreover, addressing socioeconomic disparities and removing barriers to access is crucial to ensure that all members of society can benefit from these facilities.

In conclusion, while increasing the number of sports facilities can contribute to enhancing public health, it should be integrated into a broader strategy that considers various factors affecting people's ability and motivation to engage in physical activities. A multifaceted approach that addresses both accessibility and personal motivation is essential for achieving lasting improvements in public health.

298 words