IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3309 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets, there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These days, some people believe that going to the cinema for watching the films, would be useless because people can see them on their phones or tablets. others say that to be fully enjoyed with saying the films,  people should go to the cinema. in this essay I will outline these to viewpoints.

On the one hand, those who believe that they can see the films on their phones rather than going to the cinema have several ideas. firstly, they could save time by watching the films on the electronic devices. as people don’t need to devote a considerable portion of the time to planning for going out, they would have extra time. they usually should arrive the cinema At least 3 hours in advance to book a seat, which can be very time-consuming.

moreover, they can save money. because people who would like to  go for the cinema, should spend a great deal of money in order to fill up their car with petrol which is very expensive. if people can see the films on the phones, they will avoid of wasting their money for such an expensive fuel.

on the other hand, some people State several reasons for going to the cinema. they can see the films on the biggest screen which can be very enjoyable. as it can give the audiences a sense of excitement which can add to the pleasure of the film itself. this is because the actors and other elements in the film are bigger than usual.

what’s more, they believe that seeing the feelings along with other people in the cinema could be more enjoyable than other ways of seeing a film. because a lot of people are present in the cinema which could create the Sound by encouraging a character or shouting. dysfunction can be  energizing which leads people to having a sense of more satisfaction.

in conclusion, some people say that they could save time and money by seeing the feelings on the phones, whereas, others believe that the excitement of the biggest screen and other people led to having more  satisfaction I hold the view that going to cinema with the more enjoyable.

363 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

August 19, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response
6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
7.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
8.0 produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
9.0 the communication is completely natural
7.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. There are two important points in this essay. Firstly, the essay has 3 main parts; the last one is the writer’s own opinion. In this essay, we can only see one sentence devoted to the writer’s own opinion, and there isn’t much development. Even when the writer completely agrees with one side, this connection must be stated clearly and added as support for the writer’s own opinion. Secondly, regarding grammar, too complex sentences make it hard to understand what the writer intended to say. As a case in point, the sentences that started with “because” in this essay are NOT grammatically called sentences as their meanings are incomplete; they are a group of dependent clauses combined together.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The advent of smartphones and tablets has revolutionized the way we consume entertainment, including films, prompting discussions about the relevance of cinemas. While both sides of the argument hold merits, I believe that the cinema experience offers unique qualities that cannot be replicated through mobile devices.
On one hand, proponents of mobile viewing argue that technological advancements enable people to access films conveniently and flexibly. With the convenience of streaming services and portable devices, individuals can enjoy movies anytime and anywhere, eliminating the need for a physical trip to the cinema. This accessibility is particularly beneficial for those with busy schedules or limited mobility. Furthermore, personalized screens provide a more intimate setting, allowing viewers to focus on the film without external distractions.
On the other hand, supporters of the cinema experience emphasize its distinct advantages. Cinemas offer larger screens, superior audio quality, and immersive environments that enhance the overall viewing experience. The communal aspect of a cinema, where audiences share emotions and reactions, contributes to a sense of collective enjoyment that is absent in solitary mobile viewing. Additionally, the grandeur of the big screen is especially crucial for visually spectacular films, maximizing their impact and allowing audiences to fully appreciate the artistic intent of filmmakers.
In my opinion, while mobile devices provide convenience and flexibility, the cinema experience is unparalleled in terms of visual and emotional engagement. Cinemas offer a sensory-rich environment that immerses viewers in the world of the film, fostering a shared experience that resonates deeply. While mobile devices are convenient, they lack the grandeur and social engagement that cinemas offer.
In conclusion, the advent of mobile technology has introduced new ways of consuming films, but the cinema experience remains uniquely immersive and communal. The choice between mobile viewing and cinema attendance ultimately depends on personal preferences and the significance one places on the richness of the cinematic encounter.
324 words

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