IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3302 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing.
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Rising the medium level of individuals’ weight and simultaneously dwindling of their well-being and physical fitness is a serious issue for some nations. In my opinion, modern lifestyle and the spread of fast-food restaurants are the primary reasons which can be resolve by a healthy way of life.

Living in a high competitive modern world brings a lot of stress and pressure to our lives. Being successful in such world requires time and efforts. Therefore, the more we attempt to have triumph in job market or social statues the less time we have for cooking and doing exercises. Thus, we had to eat fast food most of the time, in addition to this, more stress cause more desire for food which means  consuming extra unhealthy food such as junk food that mostly contain a great deal of fat. It is an undeniable fact that a lifestyle comprise a lot of fatty foods with no physical activity is responsible for gaining weight and jeopardizing a person’s health.

In order to address the trend mentioned above   solutions are twofold firstlya healthy way of life which includes an appropriate diet and daily exercise must be taught to the public via the social media, T.V, Seminars, and, etc. Secondly, doing exercise regularly boost peoples health as well as helping them in losing weight.

In both educating people about a healthy lifestyle and encourage them to engage in physical activities  the government plays a vital role with allocating enough money to producing educational programs as well as supporting or providing restaurants that produce organic foods, establishing and equipping sport centers.

by way of conclusion, consuming fast-food and not having enough exercise lead to less healthier society, to tackle this trend we ought to change our lifestyle.

291 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

October 16, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. There are two paragraphs devoted to the solutions. The focus, in these 2 paragraphs, is more on introducing the categories, leaving little room for developing each idea in each category. This is related to the writing style to ensure both clear categorization and enough support for each idea presented. On a different note, any error, even as small as a couple of missing punctuation marks, can immensely damage the reader’s understanding of the message and reduce readability. Here's a good read:

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The escalating average weight of individuals coupled with declining health and fitness levels in some nations is a concerning issue. This essay aims to examine the underlying causes of these problems and suggest potential solutions.
There are several factors contributing to this worrying trend. Primarily, changes in lifestyle patterns play a pivotal role. Modern societies have witnessed a surge in sedentary behaviors due to increased reliance on technology and office-based jobs, resulting in reduced physical activity levels. Additionally, the proliferation of fast-food chains and processed foods has led to unhealthy dietary habits, marked by excessive calorie intake and poor nutritional choices. Socioeconomic factors also play a part, as lower-income individuals might have limited access to nutritious foods and exercise facilities.
To address these challenges, multifaceted measures are imperative. Education is a cornerstone in promoting healthy lifestyles. Governments should allocate resources to raise awareness about the benefits of regular exercise and balanced diets through school curricula and public campaigns. Encouraging physical education classes and extracurricular activities can foster a culture of fitness from a young age.
Furthermore, policy interventions are vital. Taxation on high-calorie, low-nutrition foods can deter consumption, while subsidies on fresh produce can make healthier choices more affordable. Urban planning can contribute by designing walkable communities and accessible parks. Employers can incentivize employee well-being by providing gym memberships or organizing fitness challenges.
Community involvement is also essential. Creating local fitness groups and recreational clubs can instill a sense of camaraderie, making exercise more enjoyable and sustainable. Moreover, healthcare systems must prioritize preventive care, offering regular check-ups and personalized fitness plans.
In conclusion, the growing weight and declining health and fitness levels in certain countries can be attributed to lifestyle changes and poor dietary habits. Addressing these concerns requires a comprehensive approach, encompassing education, policy changes, and community engagement. By targeting both individual behaviors and systemic factors, societies can reverse this trend and work towards healthier, fitter populations.
310 words

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