IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3290 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Culture and Traditions, Task 2 essay, Work and Employment, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These days , employers request personal information from those who would apply for job . Some people agree with this way and others don’t hold this view . I will discuss these two view in this essay .

On the one hand , those who would have positive view towards this way mention several reasons . Firstly , these information could help employers to provide new facilities for employees in Company . These facilities such as a coffee shop with new products or new designs which have come from employees’ interests . Such new changes lead employees to be more active and productive . They will be beneficial to Company in long time . In addition , employers Could have more understanding over employees . This understanding would be significant when it comes to issues like the amount of salary and loan . For example , those who are maried would need much salary than ones who are single . thus , employers Could understand the situation of a married person , and will devote more financial sources to them . By this decision , the could increase employees’ output .

On the other hand , opponents to this view hold several claims . They believe that these informations are not related to work . what is important to employers is skill , and this personal information should not play a role in this decision . If this strategy apply to the process of decision making , the income of company would reduce . This reduction lead employers to dismissing their employees , which would have dire consequences for their families , like financial problems or even might get divorced if they are married .

In Conclusion , i believe that the advantages of having these personal informations outweigh the drawbacks because employees could be more organised in terms of salary and desire , and if these are satisfied , employees will be beneficial to the company .

338 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

April 10, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. This is a very good writing piece. There should be more emphasis on hobbies and interests, as the rubric suggests. Also, in the thesis statement, the writer’s own opinion/view must be present, as this is the most important sentence in the essay. The other errors are mostly related to vocabulary. Ensure consistent use of articles (e.g., "the" or "an") for smoother sentence flow. In addition, some words like "information" are uncountable, so we need to use verbs appropriate to singular entities. A simple vocabulary check on a reliable dictionary will reveal how such errors can be avoided. Here’s an example:

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

6.0 addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others

6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0 arranges information and ideas coherently

6.0 there is a clear overall progression

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

6.0

Lexical Resource

6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. This is a very good writing piece. There should be more emphasis on hobbies and interests, as the rubric suggests. Also, in the thesis statement, the writer’s own opinion/view must be present, as this is the most important sentence in the essay. The other errors are mostly related to vocabulary. Ensure consistent use of articles (e.g., "the" or "an") for smoother sentence flow. In addition, some words like "information" are uncountable, so we need to use verbs appropriate to singular entities. A simple vocabulary check on a reliable dictionary will reveal how such errors can be avoided. Here’s an example:

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The practice of employers requesting personal details, including hobbies, marital status, and interests, during job applications elicits divergent opinions. Some argue that such information holds relevance in assessing a candidate's suitability for the role, while others contest its significance in the recruitment process.

Those in favor of seeking personal information assert its potential relevance. They argue that hobbies and interests may reveal qualities like teamwork, creativity, or leadership, crucial for certain job roles. Additionally, marital status might be seen as indicative of stability or commitment, which could be pertinent in specific professions, such as caregiving roles or diplomatic positions.

Conversely, opponents refute the necessity of these details, highlighting their potential for bias or discrimination. They argue that personal information, such as marital status or hobbies, is unrelated to professional competence. Relying on such data may lead to unfair judgments or inadvertent exclusion of qualified candidates based on irrelevant criteria.

In my view, while some personal details might offer insights into a candidate's character, relying on them during job evaluations poses risks of bias and discrimination. Competence and qualifications should remain the primary considerations during recruitment, ensuring a fair and unbiased selection process. Assessing individuals solely based on their professional skills and experiences ensures equal opportunities for all candidates, mitigating the risks associated with potential biases stemming from personal information.

In conclusion, while personal details may offer glimpses into a candidate's character, their relevance in job applications remains a topic of contention. Prioritizing professional qualifications and skills ensures a fairer and more unbiased recruitment process, aligning with the principles of meritocracy.

260 words

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