IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3285 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common.

Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Technology, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These days in many Countries people choose mobile apps for paying for their purchases . it seems that this trend has more benefits than drawbacks , which i will outline here .

On the one hand , paying for stuff by phone apps has several advantages . Firstly , people Could save money by paying for stuff Via Cellphone apps . This is because individuals would not need to Commute in city for purchasing an item , which might be located for from people’s residential area . So people could buy such items via cellphone apps without any Cost for transportation . In addition , individuals Could use their time in the form of optimal . These purchasers would not require to devote part of their time to going outside for purchasing their necessities , which Could be time-consuming . This time Could be saved by purchasing items via phone apps . Moreover , users Could increase the speed of works to be done effectively . This speed is related to the time in which people would have to wait for ordering and receiving products . That will be short if users order these products by cellphone apps .

On the other hand , paying for purchases has two drawbacks . Some people do not know how to use cellphone apps for paying for items . This lack of knowledge leads people to being disappointed towards this way of purchase . What’s more , people Could be misused if they use unsecured apps which are available on the market as a service provider . As these phone apps are new , the way of supervision on them i not reliable , and different enterprises would try to misuse this weak.

In conclusion , it seems that the benefits of using phone apps for purchasing products outweigh the drawbacks . Provided that people Could be educated how to use these apps and service providers , which offer these apps could act under supervision .

333 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

February 13, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task

8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question

8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas

8.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

9.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

8.0 uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free

9.0 rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’

7.0 they do not impede communication

7.0

6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. It is a well-organized piece of writing. The task is also very well understood and addressed. The grammatical structures used are predominantly accurate. The main issue remains with vocabulary, which needs serious attention.
Here's a revised part:" These days, in numerous countries, individuals opt for mobile applications to conduct transactions. This trend appears to have more merits than demerits, which I will elucidate below."; also, make sure words are typed/written completely; we must not leave the reader guessing what the missing word is.
Every new word must be studied well in a reliable dictionary before they are used. Here's a lesson that helps:

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In recent years, the prevalence of mobile phone applications for financial transactions has surged in many countries, sparking a debate about the merits and drawbacks of this development. While there are certain disadvantages associated with this trend, the advantages far outweigh them, heralding a transformative shift in the way people conduct monetary transactions.

One significant advantage of paying for things through mobile apps is the unparalleled convenience it offers. Users can effortlessly make purchases, transfer funds, and settle bills with a few taps on their smartphones, eliminating the need for physical currency or cards. This convenience is particularly beneficial in today's fast-paced world, where time efficiency is highly valued.

Furthermore, mobile payment apps contribute to financial inclusivity by providing access to banking services for individuals who may not have easy access to traditional banks. This inclusivity is especially crucial in regions with limited banking infrastructure, as mobile apps offer a user-friendly and accessible platform for conducting financial transactions.

The enhanced security features embedded in mobile payment apps also represent a noteworthy advantage. These applications employ advanced encryption technologies, biometric authentication, and secure protocols, reducing the risk of fraud and unauthorized access. Compared to traditional payment methods, mobile apps offer users a higher level of protection against potential security breaches.

However, it is important to acknowledge certain disadvantages associated with mobile payment apps. One primary concern is the potential for privacy breaches and data theft. As users link sensitive financial information to these apps, there is a risk that personal data may be compromised, leading to identity theft or unauthorized access to financial accounts.

Additionally, the reliance on mobile payment apps may contribute to a loss of cash transactions, impacting individuals who prefer or solely rely on traditional forms of payment. This shift could marginalize certain segments of the population, such as the elderly or those without access to smartphones, exacerbating existing socio-economic disparities.

In conclusion, despite some valid concerns, the advantages of using mobile phone apps for payments significantly outweigh the disadvantages. The convenience, financial inclusivity, and enhanced security provided by these applications make them a transformative force in modern financial transactions. Policymakers and businesses should work collaboratively to address privacy and accessibility concerns while continuing to harness the positive impact of mobile payment apps on the global financial landscape.

380 words

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