IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3282 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common.

Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Technology, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These days payment for stuff by using mobile phone apps is becoming dominant throughout the world and the strand of this progress has more benefits than more drawbacks which i will mention in this essay.

On the one hand , there are many advantages in this regard . firstly , the pace of life has increased by utilizing these apps . As people could pay the cost of products via mobile , they wouldn’t need to far away of their place and this time for paying for items could be saved for other issues . As a result , people Could increase their activities for doing affairs and the speed of these works would be Considerable in order to meet them . In addition , people Could save more money by paying for items via mobile apps . With people Could delet the Cost of transportation which is high via mobile rather than going outside and paying for it , they Could put this extra cost for their life and can be Consumed for othe issues . Moreover , the possibility of accidents which are very Common in the street would be reduced . As individuals would purchase their essentials by ordering them via cellphone applications , which prevent people from attending the stores , these persons will avoid from traffic Congestion . thus , the rate of accident will be definitely low .

On the other hand , the use of mobile apps has some drawbacks , people could lose their money by using unsecured apps which could misuse from Confidential information that the user of such apps has entered . Also , Citizens Could be Confused in using mobile apps which are developed and modern , and people need to learn new skill for working with them , which will be Complicated in the case of not having enough access to this knowledge . Although these two negative impacts are in existent , they could be resolved by Companies which are reliable , and Could offer secured apps and essential knowledge for working with them .

In Conclusion , the advantages of using mobile apps outweigh the drawbacks because of benefits which will bring in such as saving and speed as well as the cost of transportation will be omitted .

383 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

May 2, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

6.0

Lexical Resource

6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

5.0 errors can cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phone apps for payments.
The writer states that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, but this opinion could be supported with more detailed arguments and clearer examples.
The conclusion summarizes the opinion, yet it could be more comprehensive in encapsulating the main arguments of the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be more logical and cohesive.
Transitions are used, but they sometimes fail to effectively link ideas and paragraphs.
The essay would benefit from smoother transitions and clearer development of points to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource (LR): The range of vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety. The essay tends to repeat certain words and phrases.
Some word choices are awkward or inaccurate, affecting the clarity of the arguments.
Improving vocabulary usage and employing a wider range of expressions would enhance the response.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but numerous errors are present.
Errors in verb forms, article usage, and sentence structure affect the clarity of the message.
Improving grammatical accuracy is necessary for clearer communication.

Overall: The essay covers the topic and presents an opinion, but improvements are needed in coherence, lexical variety, and grammatical accuracy. Focusing on these areas will aid in conveying the writer's ideas more effectively and cohesively. The writer shows an understanding of the topic but needs to refine the way the ideas are expressed and structured to achieve a higher band score. There are attempts to write complex sentences; however, the result is not always successful. It is much better to write smaller, simpler sentences but with clear messages than complex ones but vague. As for vocabulary, we are not allowed to use informal words in IELTS task 2. Use dictionaries’ register to tell you which words are formal and which are informal.

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In numerous countries, the prevalence of utilizing mobile phone applications for payments has undergone a remarkable surge. This technological shift has prompted a discourse regarding its implications, stirring debates about whether this trend brings forth more advantages or disadvantages.

One of the paramount advantages lies in the unparalleled convenience that mobile app payments offer. They facilitate swift transactions devoid of the need for physical cash or cards. This convenience streamlines everyday transactions, making shopping or paying bills an effortless and time-efficient process. Moreover, the accessibility of mobile payment platforms is vast, enabling even remote areas to access financial services easily.

However, this advancement also poses certain noteworthy drawbacks. A primary concern revolves around potential security breaches. As transactions occur electronically, there exists a risk of sensitive financial information being compromised by cyberattacks or unauthorized access. Additionally, the reliance on mobile payments might exacerbate issues related to financial exclusion for individuals who lack access to smartphones or reliable internet connections, further deepening societal disparities.

Nevertheless, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks in several critical aspects. Mobile payments play a pivotal role in promoting financial inclusion by providing services to unbanked populations, fostering economic growth, and enhancing accessibility to modern financial tools. Furthermore, the unparalleled convenience they offer significantly enhances the efficiency of daily transactions for individuals and businesses alike.

In conclusion, while concerns about security and accessibility exist, the advantages of mobile app payments in terms of convenience and financial inclusion far outweigh the disadvantages. As this trend continues to evolve, it is imperative to implement and reinforce measures to ensure security and accessibility, ensuring that the benefits of mobile payments are maximized while addressing potential drawbacks.

275 words

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