IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3277 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common.

Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Economy and Business, Task 2 essay, Technology, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These days people have a tendency for paying their purchases by mobile phone apps and this phenomen has more benefits than drawbacks which i will explain now.

On the one hand, people who pay for essential by mobile phone could save their time. As people buy products by cellphone, they won’t need to devote part of their time to going shoping mall for payment. Thus, they would put aside the time for another work.

In addition, individuals by paying online via cellphone could prevent traffic congestion in town. Some products are more demanding than others, especially those that are related to essential needs. So going to shops on a regular basis could increase the traffic’s loads which could be preventable by ordering and paying for stuff via the mobile apps. Moreover, the rate of accidents in city would be reduced if individuals pay for their necessities via the mobile app rather than commuting in town which leads to having the risk of hitting others with car.

On the other hand, some persons believe that payment by the mobile app would be dangerous because they would have to enter confidential information related to credit card which might be hacked by anonymous people and hackers. Although this worry would be logic, it is avoided by using the secure apps which are being installed by the reliable organizations such as banks, which would supervise on transactions.

In conclusion, the benefits of paying for products via the mobile phone apps outweigh the drawbacks. Since these apps could save time for users, and also would lead to decreasing traffic jam, as well as the rate of accidents would be declined.

275 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

February 16, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The task clearly says if “advantageS” outweigh “disadvantageS” (plural); we see 3 advantages but only 1 disadvantage. We need at least 2 disadvantages to fully address all parts of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay is structured logically with clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Paragraphs transition is generally smoothly, except in a few parts.

Lexical Resource (LR): A good range of vocabulary is used, and expressions contribute to the clarity of the essay.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of awkward phrasing (e.g., "the phenomen has more benefits than drawbacks"). Sentence structures are varied, but there's room for improvement in grammatical complexity.

Overall, the essay provides a balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages but seems to emphasize the benefits more.
Improvements can be made in lexical accuracy and grammatical complexity for a more polished presentation. The essay effectively communicates its points but could benefit from more nuanced language use.

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

7.0

Lexical Resource

6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

7.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The task clearly says if “advantageS” outweigh “disadvantageS” (plural); we see 3 advantages but only 1 disadvantage. We need at least 2 disadvantages to fully address all parts of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay is structured logically with clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Paragraphs transition is generally smoothly, except in a few parts.

Lexical Resource (LR): A good range of vocabulary is used, and expressions contribute to the clarity of the essay.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of awkward phrasing (e.g., "the phenomen has more benefits than drawbacks"). Sentence structures are varied, but there's room for improvement in grammatical complexity.

Overall, the essay provides a balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages but seems to emphasize the benefits more.
Improvements can be made in lexical accuracy and grammatical complexity for a more polished presentation. The essay effectively communicates its points but could benefit from more nuanced language use.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The escalating trend of using mobile phone applications for transactions has sparked debates about its merits and drawbacks. While this advancement offers several advantages, its proliferation also presents notable challenges.

One significant advantage is the unparalleled convenience these apps offer. They streamline transactions, providing swift and effortless payments without the need for physical cash or cards. This convenience enhances efficiency in everyday purchases and bill payments, saving time and effort for users. Additionally, these apps often offer discounts, rewards, or loyalty programs, providing added incentives for users.

However, this development also poses certain disadvantages. A primary concern revolves around security risks. Electronic transactions can leave sensitive financial information vulnerable to cyberattacks or unauthorized access, raising concerns about data breaches and privacy. Moreover, the reliance on mobile payments may exacerbate issues related to financial exclusion for individuals without access to smartphones or reliable internet connections, widening societal disparities.

Nevertheless, the advantages of mobile payment apps significantly outweigh the drawbacks. They foster financial inclusion by providing access to banking services for unbanked populations, contributing to economic growth and accessibility to modern financial tools. Furthermore, the convenience they offer considerably enhances the efficiency of daily transactions for individuals and businesses alike.

In conclusion, while concerns regarding security and accessibility exist, the advantages of mobile payment apps, particularly in terms of convenience and financial inclusion, surpass the disadvantages. As this trend continues to evolve, addressing security vulnerabilities and ensuring broader access to these technologies are essential steps toward maximizing their benefits while mitigating potential drawbacks.

251 words

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