IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3272 – Band 7.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment.
What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Nowadays, it is significant that more and more professional graduated adults are unemployed over the world. I am of the opinion that this has three major causes:economic factors, highly competitive environment and the advanced technologies.

To begin with, economic development has a huge influence over the job market, since in ahealthy economy there are many active business sectors and a broad range of companies operated on the market. On the other hand, if a country strufggles with an poor economy there is a lowest potential to find a job after graduation, because of deficit of companies and working positions.

Another distributor would be a high competitive environment. Because of increased supply on the job market, competition on one position has dramatically risen. For example, in my country twenty years ago there was only one university with a business faculty, and it was very simple to find a proper job after graduation, even knowledge of English language was an advantage for a job seeker. In contrast, today many universities operate in this field and the standard and requirements of business-related jobs have significantly increased.

Finally, technology may affect the employment rate of graduates. Achievements in modern technology tend to decrease human involvement in many areas of business operation, consequently some positions, previously occupied by humans have been disappearing. For instance, a couple of years ago Finance departments were full of analysts, while now data science provides most of the report forecast and analysis.

There are ,however, certain measures that can be taken to tackle unemployment of qualified graduates. First of all, government should support the economy to increase sector diversity and strengthen each sector with positive changes in the law and taxation; as a result, companies will begin profit and expand their operations. Another solution would be work export. Nowadays many global platform offer a marketplace to freelancers to implement individual projects and task remotely, no matter where live. This would be the best solution for unemployed professionals especially from underdeveloped countries, where the working places are strictly limited.

To sum up, unemployment can be slowed , if the government private sector and individuals will work in a coordinated way.

358 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

March 23, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 7.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
9.0 fully addresses all parts of the task
9.0 presents a fully developed position in answer to the question
9.0 with relevant, fully extended, and well-supported ideas
9.0
Coherence and Cohesion
9.0 sequences information and ideas logically
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
9.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
9.0 the communication is completely natural
7.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
7.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
7.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
The essay addresses the topic comprehensively, identifying key causes of graduate unemployment and proposing solutions.
The writer's opinion is clear, and arguments are developed with relevant examples.
However, the conclusion could be stronger by summarizing the main points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphing, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
The use of linking phrases like "To begin with," "Another distributor," and "Finally" is effective, but some transitions are abrupt or unclear.

Lexical Resource (LR):
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, but there are minor inaccuracies and awkward word choices, such as "professional graduated adults" (better as "professionally qualified graduates") and "strufggles" (a typo for "struggles").
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use complex vocabulary but occasionally with inaccuracies.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward constructions that need attention.
Errors like "ahealthy" should be "a healthy" and "have been disappearing" could be more accurately expressed as "have disappeared."

Overall Feedback:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt with clear arguments and relevant examples. To achieve a higher band, the writer should focus on refining language use for precision and clarity, improving grammatical accuracy, and ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. The essay also demonstrates good understanding and analysis of the topic, but the presentation and expression of these ideas could be polished for a more impactful and cohesive essay. The grammar errors are preventable. For better grammar proofreading, please read the lesson below:

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In numerous countries, the prevalent issue of numerous highly qualified graduates remaining unemployed prompts an analysis of contributing factors and potential solutions.
Several factors underpin this situation. Firstly, mismatches between educational curricula and market demands can lead to a surplus of graduates in fields where job opportunities are limited. Additionally, rapid technological advancements and changing industry landscapes might render some qualifications outdated or less relevant in the job market. Moreover, economic fluctuations and inadequate job creation in specific sectors can contribute to the scarcity of suitable employment opportunities for highly skilled graduates.
Addressing this predicament requires multifaceted approaches. Firstly, enhancing the alignment between educational programs and industry demands through comprehensive curricular revisions and closer collaboration between academia and industry can better equip graduates with skills that meet current market needs. Encouraging entrepreneurship and providing support for startups can also create alternative pathways for employment.
Moreover, fostering internship programs or apprenticeships can bridge the gap between academic learning and practical job requirements, enhancing graduates' employability. Additionally, governments and private sectors can collaborate to stimulate job creation in emerging sectors through investment incentives or industry development initiatives.
Furthermore, providing career counseling and guidance to students, emphasizing diverse career pathways, and equipping them with essential soft skills can bolster their adaptability in a competitive job market.
In conclusion, the issue of highly qualified graduates facing unemployment stems from multifaceted factors, including mismatches in skills and market demands. Addressing this entails revamping educational curricula, fostering industry-academia collaborations, promoting entrepreneurship, and creating job opportunities in emerging sectors, ensuring graduates' enhanced employability and smoother transitions into the workforce.
262 words

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