IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3269 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Travel and Tourism, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

In the future people would go for having holiday in their own territory rather than visiting abroad on holiday . I don’t agree with this view and i will outline my reasons in this essay .

On the one hand , people would like to visit foreign countries on holiday because the cost for doing it would be low . This is because there would have more Companies which would offer reasonable ticket price on holiday . These Companies are going to grab the market from others , thus , they would have to reduce the cost of tickets . In addition , the cost of accommodation in other countries would be reduced . As these … , Countries around the world have financial problems and it will be Continuing in the future , nations would have a tendency to absorb tourists . For this , they have decided to accommodate travelers at minimum cost . this strategy leads to having more passengers who would like to spend their time in abroad . What’s more , some individuals will choose to live in abroad . Because of this issue they would like to visit another Country on holiday to examine living’s Conditions at there . As a result , individuals prefer to travel abroad rather than being in their own Country .

On the other hand , some persons would like to go on holiday in their own Country as they don’t like to spend their money in another Country . They assume that it would be better to apply that capital in their Country’s tourist industry which is more useful than other strategies . Although such belief is valuable , it is rejected by new generation who ould like to experience more adventurous life by going on holiday in abroad .

In Conclusion , i believe that people would travel abroad on holiday because the price of tickets for such travel would be low and accommodation in abroad for travelers will be cheap , also some people would like to test the condition of living in another Country by visiting it on holiday . While others would like to visit their own country , they won’t continue this practice because of rejection by new generation .

377 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

April 16, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The response attempts to address the prompt by discussing reasons for and against the idea that more people will choose domestic holidays in the future. The essay presents arguments related to cost, tourism industry support, and personal preferences. However, the ideas lack clarity, and the essay would benefit from a more explicit stance on whether the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement.The rubric’s focus is that “more” people will visit their own country than going abroad; the essay fails to properly make this comparison.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay lacks a clear structure, and the ideas are not well-organized. Paragraphs do not have clear topic sentences, making it challenging for the reader to follow the writer's arguments. A more systematic organization of ideas would improve the coherence of the essay.

Lexical Resource (LR): The vocabulary used in the essay is basic, and there are instances of incorrect word choices and awkward phrasing. For example, "cost for doing it would be low" could be improved to "cost of doing so would be low," and "living’s Conditions at there" could be revised to "living conditions there."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy(GRA): The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including issues with verb conjugation, subject-verb agreement, and article use. For instance, "new generation who ould like" should be corrected to "new generation who would like." Improved grammar would enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Overall: The essay attempts to respond to the prompt but suffers from organizational and language issues. A more coherent structure, clarity in expressing the writer's viewpoint, and improved language use would significantly enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, a clear thesis statement at the beginning would provide a roadmap for the reader.

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The response attempts to address the prompt by discussing reasons for and against the idea that more people will choose domestic holidays in the future. The essay presents arguments related to cost, tourism industry support, and personal preferences. However, the ideas lack clarity, and the essay would benefit from a more explicit stance on whether the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement.The rubric’s focus is that “more” people will visit their own country than going abroad; the essay fails to properly make this comparison.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay lacks a clear structure, and the ideas are not well-organized. Paragraphs do not have clear topic sentences, making it challenging for the reader to follow the writer's arguments. A more systematic organization of ideas would improve the coherence of the essay.

Lexical Resource (LR): The vocabulary used in the essay is basic, and there are instances of incorrect word choices and awkward phrasing. For example, "cost for doing it would be low" could be improved to "cost of doing so would be low," and "living’s Conditions at there" could be revised to "living conditions there."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy(GRA): The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including issues with verb conjugation, subject-verb agreement, and article use. For instance, "new generation who ould like" should be corrected to "new generation who would like." Improved grammar would enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Overall: The essay attempts to respond to the prompt but suffers from organizational and language issues. A more coherent structure, clarity in expressing the writer's viewpoint, and improved language use would significantly enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, a clear thesis statement at the beginning would provide a roadmap for the reader.

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An Above 7.0 Sample

The prospect of more individuals favoring domestic holidays over international travel in the future has ignited discussions about the shifting landscape of tourism. I wholeheartedly agree that this trend is likely to materialize due to several compelling reasons.

Primarily, economic factors will play a pivotal role in steering individuals toward domestic vacations. Fluctuating global economic conditions, coupled with rising travel costs, may render local holidays a more financially viable option. Additionally, the aftermath of global crises, such as pandemics or geopolitical instabilities, might instill a sense of caution, prompting people to explore their own countries rather than venturing abroad.

Furthermore, the allure of domestic destinations cannot be underestimated. Countries often boast diverse landscapes, rich cultural heritage, and historical sites that remain unexplored by their own citizens. The promotion of local tourism initiatives and the ease of accessibility to domestic destinations might significantly influence individuals' holiday choices.

However, some may argue that the fascination with international travel, driven by a desire for new experiences and cultural immersion, will persist. While this perspective holds merit, the aforementioned economic and situational factors could outweigh the allure of international exploration.

In my view, the inclination towards domestic vacations will likely increase in the future due to practical and economic considerations. Although the allure of foreign destinations remains strong, the evolving global landscape may redirect the focus towards exploring one's own country, fostering a renewed appreciation for local attractions.

In conclusion, the prospect of more people opting for domestic holidays in the future seems plausible. Economic considerations, coupled with the joy of unexplored local destinations, may steer individuals towards rediscovering the treasures within their own countries.

271 words