IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3263 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Nowadays, many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep.

What problems can lack of sleep cause?

What can be done about lack of sleep?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Health and Well-being, Task 2 essay, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These day , lack of sleep is very Common among people , and they would Complain about it . In this essay i will outline it would be offered .

Firstly , it causes people become more anxious at work . As people Couldn’t have enough sleep at night , they wouldn’t be able to reduce the tension which has imposed on them during the day . They would lose their temper at work when they will face the pressure of a project , which will need Calmness for dealing with . Moreover , they wouldn’t get on well with their colleagues and would be alone at work . As a result of having permanently tiredness , they couldn’t bear other’s beliefs, and Conversation between members would be difficult . They would behave very unpleasantly with other employees , and thus they damage to relationship which lead to being alone at working environment . In addition , they might damage to their close relationship with their children . As individuals Could not relieve their body and spirit by sufficient sleep , they wouldn’t pay attention to their children effectively , especially after having long hours working . They don’t have enough energy to take out their family so as to be freshed . It causes their children to being far away from their parents .

Regarding remedies for lack of sleep , people should have healthy lifestyle , which means that citizens should consume light meal at night , which would not disturb their sleep . As heavy meals have been proved that inhibit individuals to deeply sleep during night . Also , they would have to put aside electronic device before going to bed because these gadgets emit harmful rays , which affect citizen’s sleep , and prevent persons to reach essential wavelength for having depth sleep at night .

In conclusion , lack of sleep cause people to be anxious and lead them to being isolated at work , as well as , they would miss a close relation to their children . In order to remedy these problems , people should adopt a healthy nutrition , which should be light and get rid of electric gadgets at night .

333 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

February 7, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

9.0 sequences information and ideas logically

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader

5.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Both problems caused by lack of sleep and potential remedies are addressed. The essay presents the idea that lack of sleep causes anxiety at work and strains relationships.

The essay is organized into two main paragraphs, one for problems and one for solutions, providing a clear structure. Some sentence structures could be refined for smoother transitions between ideas.

A good range of vocabulary is used to express ideas, but there are instances of repetition ("lack of sleep" and "anxious" are repeated). On top of this, the number of errors is significant, a couple of them can cause confusion for the reader.

The essay demonstrates control over basic grammar, but there are instances of grammatical errors ("freshed" instead of "refreshed," "they would miss a close relation" is awkward). The sentence structure is generally clear but could be more varied for greater complexity.

The response adequately addresses the prompt, but improvements in nuance, vocabulary diversity, and grammatical accuracy would elevate the essay. Consider refining sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of expressions for a more polished presentation. Here’s a good read:

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In contemporary times, a prevalent grievance among many is the struggle to attain sufficient sleep. This issue not only affects individuals but also raises concerns regarding its repercussions and potential solutions.

The dearth of adequate sleep can trigger a myriad of problems. Primarily, it negatively impacts physical health, increasing the risk of various ailments such as obesity, cardiovascular diseases, and weakened immune function. Moreover, cognitive abilities and mental well-being suffer, leading to difficulties in concentration, memory impairment, mood disturbances, and heightened stress levels. Prolonged sleep deprivation may exacerbate mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, further compromising overall well-being.

Addressing the issue of insufficient sleep necessitates multifaceted approaches. Firstly, cultivating good sleep hygiene habits is crucial, involving maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, creating a conducive sleep environment, and avoiding stimulants or electronic devices before bedtime. Additionally, promoting awareness about the importance of sleep and its impact on health through educational campaigns can encourage behavioral changes. Employers can also play a role by fostering workplace policies that support a healthy work-life balance, enabling employees to manage their schedules for adequate rest.

Furthermore, investing in relaxation techniques such as meditation, mindfulness, or engaging in regular physical exercise can promote better sleep quality. Seeking professional help when facing persistent sleep difficulties is essential, as healthcare providers can offer personalized advice or treatments tailored to individual needs.

In conclusion, the consequences of inadequate sleep span from physical health issues to compromised mental well-being. Combating this challenge requires a holistic approach encompassing lifestyle adjustments, education, and support systems to encourage better sleep habits, thereby enhancing overall health and quality of life.

266 words