IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3260 – Band 7.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

It is widely argued that children at an early age ought to learn the distinctions between right and wrong. Punishment, therefore, could be enforced in terms of broadening the children’s horizons with regards to right and wrong. I totally agree with the fact that both parents and teachers ought to consider punishment worthwhile due to its considerable benefits yield in. In this essay, I will defend my perspective and highlight different types of punishment could be enforced to new generations.

To begin with, I hold the view that those who have been punished not physically at an early age in some circumstances would gain valuable experience and do not repeat their mistakes in the future. This means that these children will pass on their experience and knowledge to next generations. This can prevent from having spoiled children in society. In the last decades ago, parents tend to punish their children more often which leads to mature children.

Although I personally believe that parents and teachers should establish a good rapport with new generations at first, there are several approaches to punish children and teach them the differences between right and wrong. Parents could limit children’s break time while they are watching cartoons and remind them it is because of their mistakes. Children also should not be allowed to spend ample time with their peers on weekends and stay home and do their homework instead.

All things considered, although corporal punishment is not acceptable which can harm self-esteem of children, parents and teachers ought to implement other types of punishment, such as limiting children’s break time, and increasing their homework which could be considered as effective ways of teaching students.

279 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

December 30, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 7.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
9.0 fully addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
9.0 with relevant, fully extended, and well-supported ideas
8.0
Coherence and Cohesion
9.0 sequences information and ideas logically
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout
8.0 uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately
7.0
Lexical Resource
9.0 uses a wide range of vocabulary
8.0 skillfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation
8.0 produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
9.0 the communication is completely natural
8.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
9.0 communication is completely natural
7.0
7.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. This is an example of a very good essay. The question is beautifully and fully addressed and developed. In the conclusion, there is a slight overuse of “which” for which we could use Reduced Relative Clause grammar. It would serve us both ways: A to avoid repetition, and B to show our command over advanced grammatical structures.

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Another Above 7.0 Sample

The idea that children should be introduced to the concept of right and wrong at an early age through the use of punishment is a matter of debate. I fundamentally disagree with this viewpoint due to several compelling reasons.
First and foremost, the use of punishment as a primary means of teaching children about right and wrong can have adverse consequences. It can lead to fear and anxiety, potentially hindering a child's emotional and psychological development. Rather than nurturing a genuine understanding of morality, it may instill obedience out of fear rather than a sense of ethics. This is counterproductive to the goal of raising children to become responsible, ethical individuals.
Furthermore, the appropriateness of punishment is highly context-dependent and culturally influenced. What one culture or family considers punishment, another may perceive differently. This raises questions about the fairness and universality of using punishment as a teaching tool. Punishment should not be a one-size-fits-all solution, as it may not consider the individual needs and circumstances of each child.
In terms of the types of punishment parents and teachers should employ to teach good behavior, a more effective approach involves positive reinforcement, open communication, and setting good examples. Encouraging dialogue with children about the consequences of their actions, along with providing guidance and support, can help them develop a deeper understanding of morality and its implications. These methods foster empathy and encourage children to make ethical choices based on intrinsic motivation rather than fear of punishment.
In conclusion, teaching children about the difference between right and wrong is an essential aspect of their upbringing, but the use of punishment as the primary method is not advisable. Employing more constructive strategies, such as positive reinforcement, open communication, and setting examples, is a more effective means of instilling ethical values and promoting good behavior in children.
303 words

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