IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3257 – Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

It is widely argued that entertainers have the most lucrative jobs among other people, and they are getting paid too much, compared to other professions. While I totally agree with the fact that celebrities have decent or even extravagant wages, other professionals’ earnings have been underestimated due to various reasons. In this essay, I will state my reasons to defend my perspective.

To begin with, entertainers should be considered as a source of national pride. It has meant that the government ought to support and pay them a lot. Film stars, musicians and sports celebrities lure the large number of populations, especially the adolescents who tend to follow their favorite entertainers. It is essential to invest state budget on them as they are attracting new generations. Their favorable popularity, therefore, results in having high salaries. Furthermore, celebrities have to pay exorbitant for their agent fees which demands the government’s financial support.

In spite of this, health and education-related professions require to be prioritized by the state. Public sector doctors and teachers, for example, provide indispensable services for each community. These professions should be regarded as the top priority of all governments. Doctors and health care professionals are taking care of citizens’ physical health and they deal with saving the lives of individuals. Teachers also shape the future for millions of children due to providing them with decent education.

All things considered, I believe that celebrities are earning extravagant salaries as they are a source of national pride. However, wages ought to be paid based on individual’s educational level and their experience. As a result, doctors and teachers should be prioritized in each community in terms of having a higher salary.

280 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

December 22, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 5.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response
6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader
5.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
8.0 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
7.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
5.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Missing words are one of the worst errors in IELTS as they damage the writer’s message and confuse the reader. It is important to proofread every task for 2 – 3 minutes before finalizing it.

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The 5.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The issue of whether entertainers, such as film stars, pop musicians, and sports stars, are overpaid is a topic that has garnered significant attention and debate. In my view, I agree that these individuals often receive substantial incomes, and this can be justified due to the unique nature of their professions. However, I also believe that there are other types of jobs that should be highly paid.
Entertainers undeniably accumulate immense wealth, and this is not without reason. Their careers are marked by intense competition, relentless demand for innovation, and the ability to capture the attention of a global audience. They serve as a source of inspiration and entertainment for countless people, bringing joy, excitement, and even cultural significance to society. The fame and fortune they attain can be seen as a fair reward for their exceptional talents and the pressures associated with their work.
Nonetheless, there are other professions that should also command substantial compensation. Specifically, jobs that involve critical public services such as healthcare, education, and emergency response deserve commensurate pay. Doctors, nurses, teachers, and first responders play indispensable roles in our communities, often working long hours in challenging conditions to ensure the welfare of the public. Offering competitive salaries in these fields is essential to attract and retain the most qualified and dedicated individuals, which ultimately benefits society as a whole.
In conclusion, while entertainers do earn substantial incomes, it is justifiable considering the unique demands and global impact of their work. Simultaneously, it is crucial to acknowledge the significance of well-paid roles in healthcare, education, and emergency services to maintain the well-being and progress of our society.
271 words

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