IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3244 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and it will be harmful for children.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Arts and Entertainment, Education, Family and Relationships, Task 2 essay, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

In our technologically advanced world, computer games have dramatically impacted on the all generations. Individuals with a broad age range are engaged to allocate ample time on playing video and online games. This trend has turned into a major concern for the parents as they believe that online games can destroy children’s leisure time and cause so many harms for them. In the following essay, I will discuss this argument and give my reasons.

On the one hand, computer games could be functioned as a key determiner at boosting cognitive skills. In other words, the children are thinking about how to win or even how to get higher scores while they are playing, all these thoughts and efforts could activate their brain. For instance, statistics prove that the new generations are more brilliant than the previous generations, this could be a benefit of advanced technology and online gaming.

On the other hand, online games demand to sit behind the desk for several hours which brings children a sedentary lifestyle. They prefer to stay home and play online instead of exercising and having physical activities. Also, most video games have a fearful background which is extremely harmful for children’s mental health. It can result in making them as isolated generations who avoid any social gatherings or being present in the society and instead, they prefer to stay home and play online.

All things considered, although online gaming could improve cognitive skills in the children, it can bring a sedentary lifestyle for children and turn them into a shy and loneliness generation. Personally, I strongly agree with the parents due to valid reasons such as bringing laziness and loneliness.

277 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

December 17, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation

7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Referencing is about who we are talking about. In this essay, we must make sure when we say “the children” or “the parents”, who we are referring to. Or maybe what we want to say applies to ALL children and parents; then, we must not use “the” when we refer to all. The inaccurate use of definite article “the” changes the meaning and message of the writer.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In recent years, computer games have gained immense popularity across age groups and cultures. While many individuals, particularly parents, express concerns about their perceived lack of educational value and potential harm to children, I contend that computer games can offer a range of cognitive, social, and practical benefits.

Firstly, it is essential to acknowledge that not all computer games are devoid of educational value. Many modern games are designed with educational components that promote problem-solving, critical thinking, and creativity. These games can enhance a child's cognitive skills and even teach them about history, science, or strategic thinking in an engaging manner.

Furthermore, computer games have the potential to foster social interaction. Multiplayer online games, for instance, provide opportunities for individuals to collaborate, communicate, and build friendships with players from diverse backgrounds. This can help in developing social skills and cultural understanding.

Additionally, certain games can improve practical skills. Simulations and strategy games often require players to manage resources, make decisions, and plan for the future, which can have real-life applications.

However, it is crucial for parents to exercise vigilance and moderation. Excessive gameplay, particularly in isolation, can be detrimental. It is essential for parents to strike a balance between gaming and other educational and physical activities.

In conclusion, computer games can be a valuable tool for education and social interaction. While concerns about their negative effects are valid, they can be mitigated through responsible gaming and parental guidance. Therefore, I believe that computer games, when used wisely, offer substantial educational and social benefits.

253 words

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