IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3155 – Band 5.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger.
Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Some people strongly agree with the opinion of late marriages development that is positive trend conversely most people share the view that it is negative one,although the positive point of this development should be acknowledged.

First of all, some scientists believe that both of genders may deal with some problems in their body, to exemplify feminine may do not have power for carrying their fetal as younger as they used to besides men’s ability to fertilize women decrease probably during this decade accordingly doctors advise all couples who want to have a healthy baby they should give birth in young ages.

Second and even more importantly, people can have a reinforced position in their occupation when they are on the third decade of their life, to clarify this point most of youth after graduation will seeking a suitable job when they approximately are 19 or 20 years old, thus when they have not had enough work experience so employer will not sign a high salary contract with them although after 10 years they will have a secure place in work with higher income in contracts before consequently that is a great time to have a child hence they do not have any worry about supplying financial sources for their family’s life particularly their new baby moreover they experience a kind of relaxation that they have never had before.

To sum up, despite the fact that this is accurate that development may has a negative point specially for women who encounter to some problems in their body health such as infertility otherwise it can be used for some people who have lack of income, budget or something regarding money and welfare, therefore I absolutely agree with other aspects which is in a positive side.

293 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

January 11, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 5.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
5.0 addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places
5.0 expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn
5.0 presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion
5.0 presents information with some organization
6.0 there is a clear overall progression
5.0 makes inadequate, inaccurate, or over-use of cohesive devices
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically
5.0
Lexical Resource
6.0 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
5.0 may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation
5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader
5.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
5.0 attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences
5.0 makes frequent grammatical errors, and punctuation may be faulty
5.0 errors can cause some difficulty for the reader
5.0
5.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The essay provides a response to the task, but it is underdeveloped and lacks clarity in several areas. Arguments are not fully explained, and there are significant language issues that hinder the communication of ideas. The overall band score reflects the need for more development in presenting a clear and supported argument, a wider and more accurate use of language, and better control of grammatical structures.

To improve, the writer should ensure that the response fully addresses the task, clearly stating their opinion, and providing well-supported arguments. It would also be beneficial to work on language accuracy, including appropriate vocabulary use and grammatical structures. Please read this lesson:

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The 5.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In contemporary society, the prevailing trend of individuals opting to marry and initiate families in their thirties as opposed to a younger age has become increasingly prevalent. This paradigm shift has ignited debates regarding the implications of delayed marriages and childbirth. While some perceive it as a positive evolution, offering various advantages, others argue that it brings forth certain challenges.
On the positive side, delayed marriages often align with increased career establishment and financial stability. Pursuing higher education and career aspirations tend to culminate in financial security by one's thirties, enabling individuals to provide better for their families. Moreover, this delay allows for ample personal growth and maturity, empowering couples to make informed decisions, potentially fostering stronger and more stable relationships. Emotionally and financially prepared, couples might be better equipped to handle the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood.
However, this trend also presents certain drawbacks. Biological factors play a crucial role, as delaying parenthood may impact fertility and pose potential health risks for both the mother and child. Additionally, the choice to postpone childbirth could inadvertently lead to a generation gap between parents and children, potentially affecting the dynamics within the family structure.
In conclusion, the trend of marrying and having children in one's thirties carries both positive and negative implications. While it allows for greater financial stability, personal development, and potentially stronger relationships, it also poses health risks and potential familial challenges. Ultimately, the decision of when to marry and start a family is deeply personal and influenced by various factors, and the consequences of this societal shift warrant careful consideration and balanced judgment to navigate these complexities successfully.
270 words

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