IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3154 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Culture and Traditions, Task 2 essay, Work and Employment, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

some employers are interested in gathering personally information related to people who are applying for the job. There are some debates about being usefulness of this practice, which we will discuss here.

On the one hand, those who favor of this practice claim that, it could be useful for future plans of a company. By asking personal questions like marital status or interest, a company can form a reliable database which is helpful for strategic decisions such as the increase of salary related to an employee who is mariage or single. These statistics could take into account to make a balance between the salary of a single person and a married employee. In addition, asking for a hobbies could be useful for employers as they could create a room for them where employees can refresh their minds, these space can be relevant to each employee’s interest. It leads to establishing a convenient place for them, which will increase the output of the company.

On the other hand, opponents claim that, this act is not relevant, as the skill of each person is important, rather than obtaining private information, which could be disturbing for them. Some of individuals are not comfortable to give private information, especially those who have experienced a tragic story in this regard. Moreover, by giving private information, employees feel that, they are permanentely undersupervision, this impact could be unconscious, because they have been been faced with many questions in this regard, and answering so many questions queries have had negative influence on them. Another reason is that, it could be the waste of time for company, as gathering unrelevant questions and processing them, which demand, ample workforces, lead to spending a lot of energy as well as money, which will be paid to them to process and maintain this database.

In conclusion, there is different arguments about gaining private information of employees, some of them could be useful for future planning, while others say that it could be distracting and waste of resource and I agree with the second argument.

343 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

January 17, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

6.0 addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others

6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The essay meets the minimum criteria for discussing both views and providing an opinion, which aligns with a Band 6 performance. However, the development of ideas is not fully realized, and there are noticeable issues with coherence, vocabulary usage, and grammatical structures. The overall band score reflects a response that is competent but with room for improvement in all areas.

To enhance the response, the writer should focus on expanding their arguments with clear, relevant examples, improving the use of cohesive devices for a more natural flow of ideas, refining vocabulary choices to be more precise and contextually appropriate, and addressing grammatical inaccuracies to enhance the clarity and accuracy of the writing.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In the realm of job applications, the request for personal details such as hobbies, marital status, and interests has sparked debates about its relevance in the hiring process. Proponents argue that such information can offer a comprehensive view of an applicant, while opponents contend that it could lead to biases and discrimination. In my perspective, while personal details might offer supplementary insights, the emphasis in hiring should be on professional qualifications and skills directly related to the job.

Advocates supporting the inclusion of personal information assert that it provides a holistic understanding of the candidate. Hobbies and interests can offer glimpses into an individual's personality traits, potentially indicating compatibility with the company culture or team dynamics. Additionally, for roles involving extensive travel or relocation, marital status might influence a candidate's flexibility and commitment to the job.

Conversely, critics argue that soliciting personal information in applications could pave the way for biases and prejudice during selection. Details such as marital status or hobbies are often unrelated to one's ability to perform a job. This practice might inadvertently lead to unfair judgments or hiring decisions based on irrelevant criteria, potentially impeding diversity and equity in the workplace.

In my opinion, while personal information might provide additional context, its relevance to job performance is debatable. The primary focus during hiring should remain on professional qualifications, skills, and experiences directly pertinent to the role. Encouraging a transparent and merit-based selection process devoid of biases or discriminatory practices should be the priority for employers.

In conclusion, while personal details might offer supplementary insights, the emphasis in hiring processes should pivot towards evaluating candidates based on their professional competence and qualifications. It's crucial for employers to uphold fair and unbiased recruitment practices to ensure equal opportunities and merit-driven selections.

293 words

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