IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3146 – Band 7.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Each year the crime rate increases.
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

It seems that the crime rate is considerably increasing nowadays. Despite all attempts of governments and societies to prevent this social and economic phenomenon, it appears that proposed solutions are not able to reduce the crime rate unless they consider underlying root causes of this issue.

The first root cause, and perhaps the most influential one, is unemployment, and its consequent financial problems. That is to say, jobless people, who are not able to afford their basic needs, are more likely to commit a crime. To tackle this problem, the government should attempt to improve the financial state, so that companies would employ more people. The next step would be devoting financial support for remained unemployed citizens until they can find a proper job. Therefore, the government can assure that almost all people no more commit a crime to make ends meet.

Although poverty is considered the main reason for committing a crime, many individuals, especially adolescents, become criminals because of peer pressure. It would be seriously hard for juveniles to ignore what their surrounding people persuade them to perform. For example, many juvenile crimes, like graffiti and vandalism, are performed simply by enforcement of law-breaker friends. To deal with this issue, parents and schools should warn youngsters about this kind of pressure and train them to avoid such friendships.

In addition, violent contents on media have noticeably increased recently, and thus, a significant number of criminals have been encouraged to commit a crime. Restricting the production of these programs would be an advisable solution.  Moreover, TV channels and other producers should label all shows with age-related warnings, So that Parents can effectively control what their children can watch to minimize the adverse effects.

To sum up, crime is a highly important issue for all societies. Governments, media, schools, and families, should assist in removing the contributing factors, such as poverty resulted from joblessness, juvenile circumstances, and media impacts.

319 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

January 27, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 7.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
9.0 fully addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas
8.0
Coherence and Cohesion
9.0 sequences information and ideas logically
8.0 manages all aspects of cohesion well
9.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately
9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
7.0
Lexical Resource
9.0 uses a wide range of vocabulary
8.0 skillfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation
8.0 produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
9.0 the communication is completely natural
8.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
9.0 uses a wide range of structures
8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
7.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Content (Task Achievement): The response effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the causes of crime and proposing solutions to prevent the increase in criminal activity. The writer identifies unemployment, poverty, peer pressure, and media influence as key factors contributing to crime and suggests measures to mitigate these issues.

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay is well-organized with clear paragraph structures. Each paragraph focuses on a specific cause of crime and its proposed solution, contributing to a coherent flow of ideas. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, enhancing the overall cohesion.

Lexical Resource (Vocabulary): The writer employs a range of vocabulary related to crime, such as "social and economic phenomenon," "root causes," and "advisable solution." The use of varied terms enhances the lexical resource, contributing to a more sophisticated expression.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: The response demonstrates a strong command of grammar. Sentences are well-constructed, and there is a variety of sentence structures, contributing to the overall coherence. For example, "To tackle this problem, the government should attempt to improve the financial state" showcases complex sentence structure.

Overall Impression: This essay effectively addresses the task, offering thoughtful insights into the causes of crime and proposing well-reasoned solutions. The writer demonstrates a good command of language and effectively communicates ideas. The response adheres to the task prompt, and the suggestions provided are logical and practical.

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Another Above 7.0 Sample

The surge in crime rates annually is a complex issue with multifaceted roots. Several factors contribute to this concerning trend. Socioeconomic disparities often fuel criminal activities, as poverty, unemployment, and lack of opportunities propel individuals towards illegal means to sustain themselves or their families. Additionally, social issues such as inequality, discrimination, and marginalization can breed frustration and alienation, leading to a propensity for criminal behavior among certain demographics.
Furthermore, inadequate education and limited access to quality schooling can significantly impact crime rates. Individuals without proper education may struggle to find lawful employment, potentially resorting to illicit means to survive. Moreover, societal influences like peer pressure, exposure to violence in media, and dysfunctional family structures can contribute to the inclination towards criminal activities.
Addressing these complex causes demands a multifaceted approach. Governments should prioritize initiatives aimed at reducing poverty and improving access to education and employment opportunities, thereby mitigating the socioeconomic factors that drive crime. Implementing social welfare programs to support marginalized communities and offering rehabilitation and counseling services for offenders can redirect individuals away from criminal pathways.
Community engagement and fostering a sense of belonging can also deter criminal behavior. Strengthening community policing efforts, promoting youth engagement through recreational activities and mentorship programs, and enhancing public awareness campaigns on crime prevention can create a collective sense of responsibility towards maintaining law and order.
In conclusion, while there is no single solution to curb rising crime rates, a concerted effort addressing socioeconomic disparities, education, community engagement, and rehabilitation can significantly contribute to preventing the escalation of criminal activities. Such holistic measures can create a more inclusive and supportive society, reducing the allure of criminal behavior among vulnerable populations.
277 words

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