IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3145 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Various discussions are happening related to the courses that students should pass during their educations. Some people believe the courses such as science and technology are the most important ones, and there is no need to allocate too much time to lessons like history, while another group of people think totally different.

People who prefer science and technology instead of history, cite various benefits that their idea could have. Firstly, they point to the job opportunities that the students will have if they study and learn some subjects ranging from math to physics and computer, adequately. Furthermore, they highlight this fact that the courses such as math is not only useful for the future of the students, but also it could be a mental exercise for them. These group of people are being convinced by the mentioned positive consequences.

By contrast, some people claim that the courses such as history are important as well. They say that these kinds of courses can be an aid for the students to gain experiences from past events, which can be so useful for them. In addition, they believe that the people who studied history in university should have the chance to teach their knowledge to other people. Omitting the history from the schedule of the schools results in a marked unemployment that can exacerbate the economic situation of a society, too.

It seems logical to conclude that all courses are important and the students should be familiar with all of them, since they can be useful in the future lives. However, the role of the teachers is so crucial and they should teach in an attractive way to do not make the classes like history, dreary.

283 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

April 7, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
6.0 addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
9.0 the communication is completely natural
7.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The essay addresses the topic by discussing both viewpoints on the importance of history versus science and technology in education.
The writer provides a conclusion that attempts to balance both views but lacks a clear personal stance, which is required in the prompt ("give your opinion").
While the essay outlines general opinions on both subjects, it could benefit from more specific examples and a deeper analysis of each viewpoint.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each focusing on different aspects of the argument.
Transitions like "Firstly," "Furthermore," "By contrast," and "In addition" are used effectively.
However, the flow between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother, and the conclusion could be more effectively integrated with the rest of the essay.

Lexical Resource (LR): The vocabulary is generally appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of awkward or imprecise word choice.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary but could benefit from more varied language to express the ideas more precisely.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that need attention.
Issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "These group of people are being convinced," affect the clarity of the message or such as "courses such as math is not only useful" (should be "courses such as math are not only useful").
Some sentences are awkwardly structured and could be rephrased for better clarity and grammatical accuracy.

Overall:
It covers both sides of the argument and provides a general conclusion but could be improved by including a clear personal opinion, refining language use, and addressing grammatical issues. The writer demonstrates an understanding of the topic but needs to enhance the way ideas are expressed and structured for a more effective and cohesive argument.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In the discourse surrounding school curriculum, the debate persists over the relative importance of History compared to the emphasis on Science and Technology. Advocates of History staunchly argue its pivotal role, contending that a deep understanding of the past is indispensable for comprehending the present and making informed decisions for the future. History serves as a repository of cultural heritage, societal evolution, and invaluable lessons from preceding triumphs and failures, fostering critical thinking and a sense of identity among students.
Conversely, proponents of Science and Technology assert the paramountcy of these subjects in the contemporary world. They emphasize the practical applications of Science and Technology in addressing present-day challenges and shaping the future. The rapid advancements in technology underscore the necessity for a workforce proficient in STEM fields to tackle pressing global issues such as climate change, healthcare, and sustainable development.
In my perspective, both views carry weight. History furnishes a mosaic of human experiences and diverse cultural perspectives, nurturing empathy and a comprehensive understanding of societal contexts. However, the dynamism of our current era necessitates a firm grasp of Science and Technology to drive innovation and address multifaceted challenges.
A balanced approach that integrates both subjects seems imperative. A curriculum that combines historical context with scientific advancements can offer students a comprehensive comprehension of the world. By infusing interdisciplinary learning, students can glean insights from historical precedents while harnessing the potential of Science and Technology to navigate the complexities of the present and chart a course for the future.
In conclusion, while History preserves our collective narrative, Science and Technology propel future advancements. A holistic educational framework that harmonizes these subjects is fundamental, empowering students to navigate contemporary challenges while respecting the lessons encapsulated in the annals of history.
290 words

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