IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3131 – Band 7.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Parents, usually mothers, stay at home to look after their family. People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Family and Relationships, Policies and Government, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Some people believe that stay at home parents who are responsible for taking care of family members should have regular payments from the government. It seems that they deserve it since looking after family is a full time job and does not include any time off from work.

To begin with, these parents do not have time for learning something new or take a job as they are always busy taking care of members of the family. Not only are they accountable for taking care of family, but also they have to do house work such as doing dishes or laundry. These activities are so time consuming that they do not have a chance to learn a new skill or have some leisure time for themselves. For example, a mother who’s responsible for housework is so busy all day that she cannot find some time for herself in order to attend a class.

Furthermore, these parents often get tired of doing these responsibilities without being appreciated. Since these tasks are routine they can easily be bored and lose their interest. Paying them on a casual basis can make them motivated and also they may feel beneficial. To illustrate this, when a stay at home mother receives money as a salary, she feels that she is valuable for society so, she gets motivated and tries to do her responsibilities better.

To sum up, governments should formulate some policies in order to pay salary to stay at home parents in order to make them motivated and eager. Since these parents have been sacrificed their life for their family, they do not have time for learning a new skill or getting a job so, the housework should be their source of income.

289 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

April 5, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 7.0 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
- The essay addresses the prompt well, presenting a clear viewpoint in agreement with the statement and providing reasons for this stance.
- The arguments for why stay-at-home parents should receive a salary from the government are relevant and well-explained.
- The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points. However, further elaboration on potential counterarguments or broader implications could strengthen the response.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
- The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphing separating different points.
- Transitions like “To begin with,” “Furthermore,” and “To sum up” are used effectively.

Lexical Resource (LR):
- The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, with a good range of language related to the topic.
- The essay demonstrates a competent use of language to express ideas. However, a more varied choice of expressions and synonyms could enhance the response.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
- The essay shows a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. Some sentences are well-constructed, while others could be improved for clarity.
- There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as “a mother who’s responsible for housework is so busy all day that she cannot find some time for herself in order to attend a class.”
- Attention to detail in terms of verb tense, pronoun usage, and prepositions would enhance the grammatical accuracy.

Overall:
The essay falls within the Band 6 to 7 range. It presents a clear argument in favor of the statement, with relevant examples and a logical structure. Improvements in lexical variety, grammatical accuracy, and depth of argument could potentially lead to a higher band score. The writer demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and the ability to articulate a reasoned opinion effectively.

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

9.0 sequences information and ideas logically

8.0 manages all aspects of cohesion well

9.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately

9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout

8.0 uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately

8.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation

8.0 produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation

9.0 the communication is completely natural

7.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

7.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
- The essay addresses the prompt well, presenting a clear viewpoint in agreement with the statement and providing reasons for this stance.
- The arguments for why stay-at-home parents should receive a salary from the government are relevant and well-explained.
- The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points. However, further elaboration on potential counterarguments or broader implications could strengthen the response.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
- The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphing separating different points.
- Transitions like “To begin with,” “Furthermore,” and “To sum up” are used effectively.

Lexical Resource (LR):
- The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, with a good range of language related to the topic.
- The essay demonstrates a competent use of language to express ideas. However, a more varied choice of expressions and synonyms could enhance the response.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
- The essay shows a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. Some sentences are well-constructed, while others could be improved for clarity.
- There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as “a mother who’s responsible for housework is so busy all day that she cannot find some time for herself in order to attend a class.”
- Attention to detail in terms of verb tense, pronoun usage, and prepositions would enhance the grammatical accuracy.

Overall:
The essay falls within the Band 6 to 7 range. It presents a clear argument in favor of the statement, with relevant examples and a logical structure. Improvements in lexical variety, grammatical accuracy, and depth of argument could potentially lead to a higher band score. The writer demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and the ability to articulate a reasoned opinion effectively.

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In contemporary society, the role of parents, particularly mothers, in staying at home to nurture their families has sparked a debate regarding whether they should receive financial compensation from the government. While some argue that remuneration is justified for their pivotal contribution, I contend that intrinsic rewards and societal support suffice without the necessity of a direct salary.

On one hand, advocates for government salaries for stay-at-home parents emphasize the considerable sacrifices and economic value associated with their role. They argue that caregiving demands substantial time, effort, and skill, which often preclude participation in the workforce. A salary, they claim, would not only recognize their contribution but also alleviate financial strains and incentivize individuals to prioritize family care without feeling marginalized.

However, the counterargument suggests that the essence of parental care lies beyond monetary compensation. Providing financial remuneration may inadvertently commodify familial responsibilities and devalue the emotional and personal fulfillment derived from nurturing one's family. Moreover, funding such salaries could strain government budgets and potentially undermine other crucial societal needs.

Instead of direct monetary compensation, alternative measures can be adopted to support stay-at-home parents. Accessible healthcare, subsidized childcare facilities, and educational resources can significantly ease the financial burdens and enhance the quality of family life. Additionally, policies promoting workplace flexibility and parental leave enable individuals to balance work and family responsibilities more effectively.

In conclusion, while acknowledging the invaluable role of parents, especially mothers, in family care, I believe that direct government salaries might not be the most feasible solution. By implementing supportive policies and social programs, we can better honor their contribution while maintaining the intrinsic value of familial care.

271 words

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