IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3130 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

People in the current generation are not fit and active, and it will cause health problems in the future.

What could be the reasons?

Suggest solutions for this issue.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Health and Well-being, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

People in the current generation suffer from fatness and in some cases obesity and they do not exercise regularly which causes health problems in future. The reasons and solutions will be discussed in the following paragraphs.

There are several reasons for lack of activity and not being fit. One of the reasons is that people follow sedentary lifestyle these days. They use their smart devices for long hours without any activation. They seat for long hours and usually do not spend some time for working out. To illustrate this, teenagers play online games via smart phones for hours and they do not like to participate in different exercises like group cycling. Obviously, this lifestyle prevents them from being fit and causes overweight in long term. Plus, using fast food has become a trend among people. It is hard for most people to resist against junk food since it is delicious. Furthermore, people do not have enough time for cooking and they prefer to eat something on the go which is unhealthy and causes overweight. For example, employees who work full time barely can cook as they are always busy so, they prefer to eat fast food because it saves their time and also it is delicious.

To solve the issue, government should formulate some policies in order to make people work out on a daily basis. The companies both in public and private sectors should have some obligatory plans for regular exercise for their employees in order to keep people fit. There should also be some training about the importance of using healthy food in schools. Teenagers should understand the consequences of using fast food constantly. People should be encouraged to use more organic food instead of conventional food by the government.

To sum up, sedentary lifestyle and usage of junk food are the main reasons of not being fit in society. It is the government’s responsibility to take some actions and make some plans for working out in offices. Encouraging people to use healthy meals can also be beneficial.

340 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

April 20, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The response addresses the task by discussing reasons for the lack of fitness and proposing solutions. However, the essay could further elaborate on the reasons and provide a more detailed analysis of the solutions.
The introduction and conclusion are clear but could be more developed to encapsulate the essay's main points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing. Transitions like "Furthermore," "To solve the issue," and "To sum up" are used effectively. Some points, especially in the solutions section, could be explained more clearly and cohesively.

Lexical Resource (LR): The vocabulary is generally appropriate, with a reasonable range used. However, some word choices could be more precise, such as "activation" which might be better expressed as "physical activity."
Minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation slightly hinder clarity, like "seat for long hours" instead of "sit for long hours."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Punctuation and sentence construction need attention, such as in "They seat for long hours and usually do not spend some time for working out," where better structuring would enhance clarity.

Overall Feedback:
It addresses the topic and provides relevant arguments and examples. However, to reach a higher band, it's essential to enhance the development of ideas, improve grammatical accuracy, and use a wider range of vocabulary. The arguments could be more nuanced, and the structure needs to be tightened for better coherence and cohesion.

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response

6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

9.0 sequences information and ideas logically

8.0 manages all aspects of cohesion well

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout

8.0 uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately

7.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation

7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

7.0 they do not impede communication

7.0

6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The response addresses the task by discussing reasons for the lack of fitness and proposing solutions. However, the essay could further elaborate on the reasons and provide a more detailed analysis of the solutions.
The introduction and conclusion are clear but could be more developed to encapsulate the essay's main points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing. Transitions like "Furthermore," "To solve the issue," and "To sum up" are used effectively. Some points, especially in the solutions section, could be explained more clearly and cohesively.

Lexical Resource (LR): The vocabulary is generally appropriate, with a reasonable range used. However, some word choices could be more precise, such as "activation" which might be better expressed as "physical activity."
Minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation slightly hinder clarity, like "seat for long hours" instead of "sit for long hours."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Punctuation and sentence construction need attention, such as in "They seat for long hours and usually do not spend some time for working out," where better structuring would enhance clarity.

Overall Feedback:
It addresses the topic and provides relevant arguments and examples. However, to reach a higher band, it's essential to enhance the development of ideas, improve grammatical accuracy, and use a wider range of vocabulary. The arguments could be more nuanced, and the structure needs to be tightened for better coherence and cohesion.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The contemporary era witnesses a concerning trend of declining fitness and activity levels among individuals, potentially paving the way for future health complications. Several factors contribute to this phenomenon. Firstly, the prevalence of sedentary lifestyles propelled by technological advancements and modern conveniences has led to reduced physical activity. Prolonged hours spent on screens, whether for work, entertainment, or social media, limit opportunities for physical exercise and movement.

Moreover, shifts in societal norms and priorities prioritize convenience over physical exertion. Busy schedules, demanding work environments, and long commutes leave little time or energy for regular exercise. Additionally, unhealthy dietary habits and an increased reliance on processed foods have contributed to the decline in overall fitness levels.

Addressing this issue requires a multifaceted approach. Encouraging physical activity from an early age through comprehensive educational programs and integrating exercise into school curriculums can instill lifelong habits. Promoting community-based initiatives, such as sports clubs, fitness classes, and recreational facilities, can provide accessible opportunities for people to engage in physical activities.

Furthermore, workplaces can implement policies that encourage movement during office hours, such as standing desks, regular breaks for stretching, or fitness programs. Public awareness campaigns focusing on the importance of a balanced lifestyle, comprising both exercise and a nutritious diet, are crucial to changing societal attitudes towards health and fitness.

In conclusion, the decline in fitness and activity levels in the current generation stems from sedentary lifestyles and evolving societal norms. Combating this issue necessitates a concerted effort involving educational reforms, community initiatives, workplace policies, and public awareness campaigns to promote physical activity and prioritize health in daily routines.

265 words