IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3127 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Success is often measured in wealth and material belongings.
Does wealth measure success?
What makes a successful person?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Being wealthy is considered by many people to be one of the most important factors which determines success. In my opinion, it is possible for people to be successful without being wealthy and there are other aspects which play a significant role towards successfulness.

Firstly, there is little room for doubt that money is contributing issue towards success, but it does not necessary mean that people without money, therefore, are unsuccessful. In other words, those people who enjoy a simple life and without overtaking specific physical or mental problems are successful without having large amount of money and belongings. Take for example the comparison between developed and developing countries, most Westerners would agree that people from developing countries are happier and thus more successful, enjoying stronger family connections and take more pleasures in the simplicities of life to a greater extent than those in developed countries.

Another point to consider is that an achievement developed through implementing acquired skills and knowledge is also a contributing factor towards success. For instance, a doctor doing a voluntary job in underdeveloped countries, the rewards of helping people and doing the job they are good at, brings successfulness in itself. Hence, success can be found in skills that people are trained for and through job satisfaction. Lastly, another factor influencing success is having supportive and loving people around. Being surrounded by a loving and caring family is considered by most people to be most valuable than any amount of money. While money may bring opportunities to enjoy pleasures, few people would enjoy them on their own.

In conclusion, while wealthiness and luxury goods possession is considered by some as a success defining aspect, there are other more important factors through which success can be found. If more people strived in life towards true feeling of success rather than money, the world would be a better place.

312 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

March 21, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
6.0 addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
8.0 produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
9.0 the communication is completely natural
7.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
8.0 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
- The essay addresses the question directly, challenging the idea that wealth is the sole measure of success and discussing alternative indicators.
- The writer's opinion is clear and well-developed throughout the essay.
- The examples used are relevant and help to support the arguments made.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
- The essay is logically organized, with clear paragraphs and a good overall structure.
- Transitions such as "Firstly," "Another point to consider," and "Lastly" help the reader follow the argument.
- Some ideas could be connected more smoothly, and the conclusion could be more concise and directly related to the main body paragraphs.

Lexical Resource (LR):
- The vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate for the topic. However, some phrases could be more natural, for example, "wealthiness and luxury goods possession" could be phrased as "the possession of wealth and luxury goods."
- There are minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, but they do not significantly hinder communication.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
- The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are some grammatical errors that need attention for clarity, such as "it does not necessary mean" which should be "it does not necessarily mean."
- Punctuation and sentence construction are generally correct, but there are a few awkward constructions that could be refined.

Overall Feedback:
The essay is in the Band 6 to 7 range. It provides a clear response to the prompt, with well-structured arguments and relevant examples. To achieve a higher band, the writer should work on refining the coherence of the essay, using more natural language, and improving grammatical accuracy. The arguments are thoughtful and well-presented, but the presentation could be polished for a more impactful essay.

Video Feedback

IELTS Juice YouTube Channel

IELTS Juice

IELTS Juice is brought to you by Juice Academy, registered in ‌British Columbia, Canada. On this channel, experienced English teachers and IELTS experts provide lessons, tips, and guidance to help you improve your English and achieve the best results in the IELTS exam.

The IELTS Assessor

Kasra Sharifan

Kasra Sharifan

Co-founder and CFO

British Council certified English teacher, IDP-trained IELTS instructor, content writer, editor-in-chief, co-founder, and Chief Financial Officer (CFO) at IELTS Juice Online Academy.

The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

Success is a multifaceted notion often perceived through the lens of wealth and material possessions. However, the question of whether wealth is the ultimate measure of success is a complex one. While financial prosperity can be an essential aspect of success, it cannot be the sole yardstick to gauge one's achievements.
A successful person embodies a multitude of qualities that extend beyond monetary wealth. True success encompasses a holistic approach that involves personal fulfillment, meaningful relationships, contributions to society, and a sense of purpose. It's a blend of achievements in various aspects of life, including professional endeavors, personal growth, and emotional well-being.
Financial wealth is undoubtedly advantageous, providing access to resources, opportunities, and a certain level of comfort. It can symbolize success in a society driven by materialistic standards. However, it doesn't inherently define an individual's overall success. Many successful individuals have contributed significantly to society or achieved personal fulfillment without immense wealth.
Characteristics such as resilience, perseverance, adaptability, and empathy are vital traits of successful individuals. Moreover, success is subjective and varies based on cultural, societal, and personal contexts. For some, success might entail making a difference in the lives of others, pursuing passions, or achieving balance and contentment in life.
In conclusion, while wealth can be a component of success, it's not the sole determinant. A successful person is someone who attains a harmonious blend of accomplishments across various domains of life. Evaluating success solely through financial wealth overlooks the intricate tapestry of qualities and achievements that contribute to a truly successful and fulfilled individual.
257 words

Read similar samples


$59
IELTS Listening Course

IELTS Listening

Best approaches to each part of the IELTS Listening test

$79

IELTS Reading

All the strategies you need for success in IELTS reading

$99
IELTS writing

IELTS Writing

How to write letters, reports & essays based on IELTS criteria

$49
IELTS Speaking

IELTS Speaking

Top tips and speaking practice materials for the three parts

$19

IELTS Vocabulary

Master essential vocabulary for success in the IELTS test

Free

What’s IELTS

Have an overview of the IELTS test format & structure

Free

One Word or Two

Master words that look like one but are two, or vice versa