IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3123 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Having a year off after graduation from school and entering a university is getting highly popular. In my opinion, this custom would certainly aid teenagers to reflect on their preferences of future prospects as well as broaden their outlook of different cultures and traditions but there would also some drawbacks.

There is little room for doubt that having a year off from school allows adolescents to spend this time by obtaining practical skills and experience. In other words, youngsters would have the ability to work as a junior employee for chosen companies where they wish to gain specific practical knowledge. A typical example for this would be when young people want to develop a clearer understanding of their abilities to perform particular tasks and responsibilities by working for a chosen company, as a junior developer or chef assistant. Furthermore, this time out of specific obligation youngsters are able to spend by traveling around the world in order to widen their perceptions about different cultures and customs. Hence, taking a year off after graduation from school would result in youngsters developing practical skills and learning specific features of other countries.

On the other hand there would be obvious disadvantages if a teenager choose to have a year off after finishing high-school. Firstly, there is a high risk that young people, by traveling around the world, might be involved in serious accidents. Indeed, if adolescents select to travel to low-income countries, which are widely recognized as countries with high rate of crime and state of upheaval, they could have faced a serious dangerous circumstances with locals which might be fatal to them. Secondly, those adolescents who chose to gain practical skills by working as an apprentice could change their mind about obtaining further education. Consequently, a number of young people who were employed as juniors could be succeeded in getting promotion and, therefore, earning an appropriate salary would encourage them to proceed with working rather than entering a university.

In conclusion, while taking a year off after finishing high-school and before going to university is advantageous for young people as they will be able to obtain useful skills and widen their outlook about other countries’ culture, this trends disadvantages should be also taken into consideration.

373 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

March 15, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas
8.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
8.0 uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. The introduction sets a clear context, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs for each main idea. Transitions like "Furthermore" and "On the other hand" are used effectively to guide the reader through your argument. However, consider varying sentence structures to enhance readability.

Lexical Resource (LR):
You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary, such as "adolescents," "perceptions," and "apprentice." Be cautious with phrases like "there is little room for doubt," which might sound a bit too absolute. Also, ensure that word choices are precise; for example, "this custom" in the introduction is a bit vague and could be more specifically referred to as "this practice" or "this trend."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
Your grammar is generally good, but there are a few errors to note. For instance, "there would also some drawbacks" should be "there would also be some drawbacks." Pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, some sentences are quite long and complex; breaking these into shorter sentences might aid clarity. It is more important to remain clear throughout.

Overall:
Your essay shows a good understanding of the task with clear arguments and relevant examples. To improve further, focus on refining your grammar, diversifying your sentence structure, and providing more specific examples to support your points.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The rising trend of taking a gap year after finishing school and before enrolling in university is noteworthy. This period presents both advantages and disadvantages that are worth considering.
On the positive side, a gap year offers a plethora of benefits. Primarily, it provides students with a valuable opportunity for personal growth and development. During this time, individuals can explore diverse experiences, such as travel, volunteer work, internships, or skill-building activities. This period of exploration often enhances their maturity, independence, and self-awareness, fostering a more well-rounded perspective before embarking on higher education. Additionally, a gap year can help students clarify their academic or career goals, allowing them to make more informed decisions about their future studies.
However, there are potential drawbacks to taking a year off before university. One concern is the possibility of academic inertia or the challenge of getting back into an academic mindset after an extended break. Students might face difficulties readjusting to the rigors of academic study or encounter gaps in their knowledge base, potentially impacting their academic performance upon returning to university. Furthermore, some individuals might face financial constraints or struggle to effectively utilize their gap year, leading to a sense of unproductiveness or missed opportunities.
In conclusion, while a gap year offers the chance for personal growth, exploration, and self-discovery, it also poses potential challenges such as academic setbacks or financial limitations. Ultimately, the decision to take a gap year should be weighed considering both its advantages and disadvantages, ensuring it aligns with the individual's goals and aspirations for their academic and personal development.
260 words

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